Tieing the Knot

George and I are traveling to San Diego over the Columbus Day weekend to get married. Since I'd never really considered it before, I'm a bit surprised….here’s how and why it’s happening.

I wish I could say it was incredibly romantic, that I proposed in a fit of love and devotion out of the blue, or some-such…but that’s not the reality. Basically, our very good friends Chris and Paula, who we have traveled with a few times in the past and who I play Swing music with, are from San Diego before they came to DC 15 years ago. They met and fell in love there. The four of us have talked very seriously about retiring together….trying to find a gay retirement area that we all like, because we all get along so well and would like to retire near friends in a place where we all feel comfortable being ourselves and can still play music together.

Well, they approached us a month or so ago to tell us that they were going there to get married and wanted to know if we’d want to join them in any aspect of it. They encouraged us to also get married but wanted us to at least come stand with them, regardless of whether we decided to also get married. They have all the contacts out there, a person to do the ceremony, connections to how to legally apply and all that. Essentially, doing it with them helps make it really easy….and I also have a good friend in San Diego (Jim Tompkins from college.)

This is something that George and I had never even discussed. The main reason I want to be married is the legal protections it can bring. And even though it’s only legal in California and places that recognize it (which currently would be only New York State), it’s a step in the right direction. And if other states ever begin to recognize its legality, it would ease my mind a lot about our future. My big fear has always been one of us getting injured and the other not even being able to BE there with them because we are not married or next of kin. It may only be legal in California for a month too, as there is a referendum in California in November to ban gay marriage, reversing the ability to get married. The vote is going to be very close too. My understanding though is that it is not retroactive, and those marriages performed until that time will still be legal there, which means they would also be recognized in NY and any other state that begins to recognize them in the future.

So no, it’s not that romantic, but I didn’t need the romantic aspect of marriage. I’ve been married for 18 years already….just didn’t have a document to prove it. It’s also not a political statement of any kind. I respect the fact that many people do not think it should ever be legalized, although I do not respect their reasons behind it. I’ve never heard one I even believed was vaguely valid. I’m not asking for anyone’s blessing or acceptance, but I hope and believe that most everyone we choose to tell will be happy for us.

We’re not planning to make a big deal of it….and will be married on the Beach by a friend of Chris and Paula’s, probably with only them there, and perhaps my local friend. We’ll probably have a party when we get home (and our kitchen is done.)

Many people seem to have their weddings planned from the time they are 10. Neither of us have ever considered marriage before, so neither of us had any desires for a particular kind of ceremony or have even thought about rings or what we'll wear or anything like that. It's not important to us, the ceremonial aspect of it....simple is best.

The only people who we've told is our sisters at this point....George's sister Debbie, and my three sisters. I wanted to tell my sisters first to ask their opinion on whether i should tell my parents, although I believed I should. They were wonderful when I told them I was gay, so I didn't have too much doubt that they'll accept this too. I think they probably don't believe in it since they ARE Republican, but at the same time, I know how they feel about me and George and they are active parts of our lives. They already treat George like another son. So I will definitely tell them.

I'll tell any friends who care to know, but again probably won't push it.

I already love George and long ago decided that my life would be spent with him, and he made that same choice. This doesn't change that in any way other than to put it on a piece of paper.