Black Day

Another one of these days I've been having a lot of in the last year...in fact this is actually the 2nd day of it. I just feel so totally like I don't want to deal with the world today, or yesterday. I don't want to speak to anyone, see anyone or have any human contact at all. Actually, if it's like yesterday, basically ANY contact. Even the animals were being pushed away yesterday at times...don't feel like dealing with them either.

Yesterday I woke up after more sleep than I'd had in at least a week, but feeling like I needed to immediately take a nap....I was dragging like crazy and felt extremely tired. It was 2 hours before I started to feel awake, and less than another hour after that when I started feeling really depressed and unhappy. I tried to do a few useful things, grocery shopping, doing bills....intended on doing some cleaning. But when I"m in this mood, I also don't feel like doing anything and nothing seems to satisfy. I played my normal games, but wasn't into any of it. I saw and watched two lousy football games and both of my teams looked like crap (I'm over football for the year and it's only the 2nd week.) Thought about reading, thought about working on the basement clutter, thought about going for a bike ride or going to the gym. But I felt no desire for any of it and felt very much stuck. The longer the day went, the worse I felt mentally. George tried to make a comment here or there, but I was non-communicative to say the least, and probably verging on rude. I forced myself to perk up enough to watch some TV, went to bed fairly late, and woke up feeling the same today.

I don't know what is wrong with me, but I hate me when I'm like this. I have nothing positive to say about anything and my face feels like it's glued in a frown. I don't want to go to band when I'm like this, but I don't have much choice either. I'm just glad the rehearsal will be short since I'm not doing Wind Ensemble or Marching Band.

I'm concerned that too much of my life is spent like this recently. We went through a really bad patch of time since George's Dad died, but I felt like since he started getting some help, that my problems also were getting better. But here I am feeling like this again. I was like this the last two Monday's too...no doubt started off those times because of weekend weight gain, but why that should set me off this extremely I don't know.

I should probably go see someone....except I wouldn't even know what to say or what to talk about. There's nothing particularly wrong today...just the way I feel right now.