A Weekend I'll Always Cherish

Thursday we woke as usual and went to work. But this was not a usual day or a usual time in our lives.....so we left work about noon, went home, picked up our things and traveled to Laurel to Chris and Paula's house. We all greeted each other with joy and excitement, and within a short time were on our way to the airport.

Once we got through the Delta ticket line (I don't ever recommend flying Delta again....took nearly 2 hours to process 10 people in that line and we almost missed the flight), we hopped onto our plane and headed for beautiful sunny San Diego.

The plan had been brewing for more than a month by that time, but not a significant amount of time considering what we were headed to California to do. It was hatched by Chris and her partner Paula, and George and I jumped fairly quickly on board both in support of them and for ourselves as well.

We arrived in San Diego after non-eventful flights and checked into the Del Cornado hotel that night and went to bed.


By 9am the next morning, the four of us were at the San Diego City Hall. The guard at the door greeted us warmly and asked what we were there for. 'We have an appointment to get our marriage licenses today.' She was very excited and asked us where we were from. When we told her Maryland and Virginia she got even more excited and said they should really put up a map on the wall and pushpins for all the places people are coming from to get married.....Alaska, Montana, etc, etc. This was because California had the decency to offer marriage licenses to gay people, and tons of people had made the trip we were making. Many more are probably headed there now to get in before the November 4th election when the voters of the state 'could' take that right back away from us again.


In any case, this was a happy occasion for us and we took lots of pictures, even in the hallways of city hall, snapping a pic of the 'marriage licenses --->' this way sign. The people in the office were equally as nice as the guard, and very helpful. Less than an hour later, we all had our licenses to be married later that day. They offered us a justice of the peace, but we had other plans.


The next few hours the four of us walked around various parts of Balboa Park....at one point we saw the world's largest outdoor organ being played by an older lady with several groups of schoolchildren watching as she gave a bit of music history while playing.


By noon, we all were at the Big Kitchen....a fabulous breakfast/lunch place run by a woman (Judy) who is an icon and a true personality. She's been a pillar of the gay community there in San Diego (and I'm not even sure she herself is gay...just very supportive) and George and I had gone there 10 years ago and met her. Whoopie Goldberg once washed dishes in her place when she was getting her start.....and Judy is still a stitch and a half. We met Karen and Robin there as well and all had lunch while discussing the wedding. Karen was to perform the ceremony and Robin is her wife/partner who was going to take pictures for us too. They are friends of Chris and Paula and Karen was ordained on-line through some universalist church that will ordain anyone....so she was technically clergy, although there was nothing religious about the ceremony. We discussed the plan....we would find a spot on the beach near the Del and do it there around 5pm.


After lunch we went back to the hotel to pick out our spot on the beach. When I stopped in the room, I found a beautiful basket filled with Wines and Chocolates and Snacks that my family had sent all of us to celebrate with. I about lost it on the spot when I read the card....although I should've known and expected it, they totally surprised me with the support they showed and I felt that my family was there with me in San Diego at that moment....I knew in their hearts that they were there and wanted to be with us. We proceeded to head to the beach. We spent an hour there and found a nice spot near an outcropping of rocks, then went and dipped our feet in the water and just enjoyed the view for awhile. It's a gorgeous spot with the ocean on one side and the beautiful Del Cornado on the other side....with a beach between.


With the spot picked out and the plan fully hatched, we went back to rest a bit, get dressed for the wedding and arranged to meet in our room at 4:30 for a pre-wedding toast, using the Wine we'd gotten (I even had room service bring up a corkscrew and real wine glasses.) We toasted their 21-year relationship and our 18-year relationship plus the significant friendship that the four of us have, and headed downstairs to meet up with Karen and Robin at 5.


Also at around 4:30 I got a frantic phone call from my good friend Jim Tompkins-Maclaine who lives with his partner Gerardo in San Diego (we stayed with them and went with them to the big kitchen 10 years ago and I've known Jim since college....he's an Ohio boy too.) Jim and I had connected again on facebook and he knew this was happening, but through a series of mishaps, he messed up the date of the wedding and only realized it 30 minutes beforehand. He was beside himself, but at that moment, I figured it was just fate and we weren't about to delay, so we hung up promising to talk later.


Once we met up with Karen and Robin, we all headed to our spot. Karen presided over a very nice ceremony for the four of us and Robin took lots of pictures. They also did a couple of really nice little touches to enhance things. They brought all 4 of us little bunches of flowers to hold, and a very nicely done certificate (with the Del as the background.) It was small and not very fancy....we were wearing flipflops because we were on the beach, but dressy, comfortable clothes otherwise.


Although prior to all of this I'd ever given much thought about actually getting married or what I would want in a ceremony, and it was short and sweet...and although I committed to George years ago....I've never meant anything in my life more than the words I said to George at that moment. It was the most significant moment in my life.

After the ceremony and lots of picture taking and laughter, we all headed to a fancy restaurant at the Del and had a wonderful dinner and conversation. That night we also arranged to meet up with Jim and Gerardo the next day. George and I of course went back to our room and had our first sex as a married couple! (we were virgins before that naturally.)

Next morning, we were up early and off to Disneyland where we met up with Jim and Gerardo just outside the park. We ran ourselves ragged all day long and had a great time.....did our usual ride on Dumbo with us in front of Chris and Paula so we could get pictures of them (it's a tradition between us) and rode every ride we could get into. The park was packed, but we really didn't care. An extra special touch was the Swing Band that was performing there that evening. It was a fabulous day. What made it extra special was the opportunity to get to know Gerardo while re-establishing what has always been a great friendship with Jim. Although they were together during our 10-years earlier trip, Gerardo barely spoke a word of English (he's from Mexico) and was very shy. And I felt like an idiot cause I could speak a word of Spanish either, so there were some awkward times and we went away feeling like we didn't know him at all. He speaks perfect English 10 years later and we actually got to know him for the first time...and he's just a delightful person as well.

The next day we were all pretty wiped from a more than 12-hour day of running around Disneyland. Chris and Paula headed off on their own to tour their old places they used to live (via car) and hook up with some other friends, and they dropped us off at a hotel downtown where we'd arranged to meet Jim and Gerardo for brunch. it was incredibly fancy and we drank a bit too much champagne (or George did.) Afterward, Jim had a rehearsal so we went back to their place....and ended up just hanging out there with them all day long, watching some TV, sitting on the couch and talking. Although it doesn't sound too exciting, it was exactly what we wanted...a time to simply relax and unwind and get to know a good friend and a new one again. We thoroughly enjoyed ourselves.

The next day, the four of us flew home together....all of it feeling pretty surreal.

It was a time I'll never forget. Although I hope gay marriage eventually becomes legal for all, and certainly hope that California does not overturn it.....we didn't do it for any political reason or to make a statement. We also didn't do it for legal reasons as it is not recognized here and Virginia is about as anti-gay as any state in the union. We didn't do it to tell each other that we were committed....that happened years ago. It was just a piece of paper. While we were doing it, we didn't really know WHY we were doing it.

But what I've come to realize is that it really means something to me and to George now...the act of having gone through the experience. I do feel a little bit different, a little bit more legitimate. And the reactions that we've gotten from friends and family add significantly to that feeling because people see us just slightly differently too. It feels wonderful to call him my husband.

Debate Instructions

nuff said....

A Whiney Day

Don't know why, but I woke up depressed today and can't seem to shake it. Rather than whine to my boys like I want to do....I decided to whine here to save them the trouble.

Ultimately this is nothing....Lots of little unimportant things are probably just adding up. I'm a bit unhappy that I'm getting married next week and I can't find a time to get my hair cut. I've been going to the same person for almost 20 years, but the only day I have any time in the next week....she's off work. I don't like any options I have....either go somewhere else (wouldn't know where and would probably end up with a bowl cut anyhow), go at some horribly inconventient time (not even sure if there IS one that could even work), or ask her to drag her rear in on her day off. I feel ugly and old enough as it is right now without having my hair look like crap too.

I'm pretty disombobulated at home at the moment because of the kitchen renovations....can't find anything, can't seem to ever remember where anything is or how to get to it. I'm washing dishes in a bathroom sink and draining them in the tub. They laid ceramic tile yesterday and were laying the last tiles when Steve arrived to pick me up for Swing Band. The tile is in the kitchen and powder room and comes all the way to the front door and steps to the upstairs. And of course we aren't allowed to step on it. But I had to get past that, into the living room for the Trombone, then down into the basement (access through the kitchen) without using the floor at all. I somehow managed but was pretty frazzled by the time I left. It's just weird coming home to your front door wide open and people working there that you can't even really communicate with.....another time I really wish I spoke Spanish.

I guess I'm still depressed from post-band camp too a bit. And Skippy isn't feeling good either and I'm a bit worried about him as well as pissed at one of my cats. We have a cat with cat-box problems....long history and it's not all his fault, but I still want to just wring his neck when he pisses on something on the bed right in front of me like he did last night. You can't really punish a cat with any good consequences, but me being me, I get angry at him and don't want to look at him for several days afterward. That irrational anger at my animals when they really don't understand why is what makes me question if I would've been a good parent. I often think I would've stunk. (luckily my anger manifests itself mentally and vocally rather than physically.)

Stupid little nothings getting me down today.....Ok, just need to shut up and bury myself in work.