Little Sis

My youngest sister Allyn was born on January 23rd, 1957. She was named Allyn Michelle....our family always pronounced it like Alan. I can't remember exactly where my Mom got that name, but she decide much later it should've been pronounced 'Al-lynn'. Nah....my other sisters already had weird names....so should Allyn! Allyn was a good baby, but grew up to be a pistol, and a thorn in my mother's side as they often didnt' see eye to eye during the high school years....hehe.

Four years later almost to the day, I arrived to spoil her 4th birthday....lol. Being born 4 years and 1 day apart, we usually got to share birthdays, something neither of us really liked much (not like we got similar clothes....just had to share our day.) I always felt guilty for spoiling her birthdays, especially that fourth one when my Mom was probably in a TERRIBLE mood..

Being the youngest when I was born, you'd think she might've resented the 'new kid' my parents brought home, but from the get-go I think I was really a novelty to all my sisters. They were old enough no longer to be babies themselves, but got both the pleasure and pain of being there to help raise the only boy in the family and the new baby.

I was probably always closest to Allyn growing up, partially due to age, and partially due to our personalities. We had a very interesting relationship....from the earliest time I can remember, Allyn treated me half like her bratty little brother, but equally the other half like her friend. One of the most interesting phenomenon between us was that she and I fought like cats and dogs constantly.....if there were any adults around. If adults weren't around, she and I almost never argued and we got along great.

My very first specific memory of Allyn was when we were outside and she was sitting on my tricycle and I wanted it. So I grabbed the handlebars and SHOOK it as hard as I could. I did something to her which hurt her 'down there' and caused my mother to have a 'talk' with me about what I had 'done to my sister' and how 'girls are different than boys'. To this day, I haven't a clue what I actually did (she couldn't been more than 7-8), but it was the first time I realized that girls have 'mysterious parts' that boys don't have. It was all very mysterious and I have wondered since I was 4 if I did some permanent 'damage'....once I grew up I wondered if it somehow damaged her virginity or something. I STILL don't know and still think women are very mysterious....lol. (45 years later you'd think I might stop wondering.)

One of my early vivid memories of Allyn was when our dog, Kimmy died. I think I was around 7-8, which made her 11-12. It was our first experience with death and we lived it together....we were very upset and slept together for a few nights to comfort each other....which stretched into a much longer period of time because we had so much fun talking and laughing at night once we got over Kimmy's death. Mom finally had to tell us to stop sleeping together...lol.

I always looked up to Allyn....she was smart, pretty, talented....and a great friend to me. She told me everything about everything going on in her life. She met Brad Stotz when she was a freshman in high school, and was immediately smitten, with both him and his best friend Dennis at the same time. But throughout high school and a couple years after she dated Brad off and on....they argued all the time and he didn't treat her very well a lot of the time (nothing remotely abusive or anything, just a high school jock boy's treatment of his girl. They took a break after high school, while he grew up a bit, and eventually got back together and are still married today. ) During all that time, Allyn told me everything that went on....virtually every detail. It was pretty amazing to be part of my sister's growing up. I got to experience (2nd hand) first kisses, proms, cheerleading and other tryouts, confusion over 2 boys at once (or more at times), experimenting with sex and drugs, arguing with Mom, etc, etc. Throughout while we were in private, Allyn treated me with respect and as a friend and sounding board. In public, she'd barely speak to me....and vice versa (I suppose we were competing for adult attention or something weird like that.)

I blame my sisters, and especially Allyn for the fact that I'm gay. I mean come on....I had easy access to Barbies and batons and cheerleading outfits, I kept hearing how 'that boy was so CUTE' and what it was like to experience a kiss, etc.... and I think the general lusting after boys caused me to want them too!

rofl...of course that's completely ridiculous. But now that I know she might read this posting, just HAD to say it! I already blamed her earlier in another post for causing me to eternally feel fat, so may as well blame her for this too. Now, how can I blame her for my back problems and lack of money? I'll have to work on that.

Somewhere along the way, some teacher or two convinced Allyn that she wasn't smart. She struggled with academics more than the other three. But trust me, Allyn was and is extremely smart....I've always believed there are book-smarts and street-smarts. Book-smarts is learning stuff fast and taking tests well....and unfortunately what a lot of things are based on. Street-smarts (to me) is knowing people, understanding them, and having common sense. Allyn has more street-smarts than most people I know. She always 'got' me. She's plenty book-smart too, although she doesn't believe it....sort of like me never believing I look could possibly good, she will always believe she's not smart....but she's the only one who believes it.

Allyn is also the only good communicator in our family...we suck at calling, writing, communicating in any way other than being there, but she's a cut above (despite resenting the rest of us a bit for the way we are....and she's right about it.) She also has fabulous taste....wish I had a 10th her taste in decorating and clothing. And she is the one person I know who always buys the right gift....seeming to know what each of us wants even before we do.

Allyn and I are still good friends and I believe always will be. She's one person I can always talk to. I am a Swope, and suck at communicating like we all do, but when I see Allyn or hear from her, it's like we've never been apart for a moment. I'm sorry we've never lived in the same town together because I suspect we'd hang out a lot together too.

I have enormous respect and a lot of love for my sister Allyn.