What a Pain.....

**** Warning: this post contains a whole lotta whining and complaining, and is intensely personal....it's gonna bore anyone who reads it, but it's something I need to write for myself ****

One day about 2 months ago I woke up out of bed feeling wonderful. Something seemed strange but it took me several hours to realized what it was. It had been years since I woke up feeling physically great....literally years. I wake up every day with back pain. This is something that has come on over a long period of time, and was only partially noticed by me. So I have some back pain. It was never intense, never sharp, and never something I felt was bad enough to do something about. Pop some aspirin or excedrin, do some stretching and take a hot shower and it would usually go away.

I also wake up with a lot of headaches, and those are always much more intense than the backache....thing is, the headache is almost always accompanied by a backache, but the head was what I focused on. Eventually I bought a Temporpedic bed (about 5 years ago) and that helped with the headaches quite a bit. At the same time, I learned to stretch in the mornings that I woke up with headaches....which I also started to do with backaches. And I also learned that taking blazingly hot showers helps. So those three things helped for awhile.

I've told my doctor that I suffer from backaches on a regular basis, but I never stressed it and in fact, probably played it down somewhat.....'yeah I suffer from back pain many mornings, but usually can make it go away with excedrin, stretching and hot showers'. So it's never been looked into.

I tried a massage once....did nothing much for my back and I didn't like him much so I never got another. There are a whole list of things I'd sort of like to try, acupuncture, massages of various kinds, chiropractor, back-ectomy, but I dont' want to try them for real until I rule out any major issue like serious structural problems.

I'm doing this all wrong....this posting. What I wanted to do was describe the pain, rather than whine about it, so I have something to tell the doctor when I go.

Ok, I almost always wake up with pain in my back. Usually it's fairly low-grade pain, but it is there always. It's in my extreme lower back mostly, but there is no definite spot that hurts. I think the lower back pain sometimes also causes the upper back and neck to feel stressed too, but the actual pain is down there, just above my tailbone I think. I also believe that most of my headaches are actually caused by the back.

I also almost always develop back pain or make it worse by doing the following:

1) Walking slowly like in a museum or shopping mall. Walking at a normal pace (mine is pretty fast) causes no problems at all, but put me in a museum and my back will be hurting inside 20 minutes. Even marching band doesn't hurt it.
2) Standing in place - if I have to stand in a line for long, my back will be killing me, even being careful not to lock my knees and to move around as much as I can.
2) Rollerblading causes my back to ache a lot.
3) Watching TV.....this is my own fault probably because we watch it all sitting up in bed with styrofoam back support wedge things.
4) The biggie, SLEEPING. I sleep like an absolute rock, which I suspect is part of my problem. Once I'm out, I dont' move a bit all night, so my theory is, I'm stiff the next morning from being in the same position every night. The mornings that my back feels the best are usually mornings after I sleep badly (very rare.) If I toss and turn a lot, my back doesn't hurt nearly as much.

Thing that don't seem to make it any worse:
1) Lifting things....tuba and bari has no immediate affect and seem to have no effect the next few days either. Even helping someone move doesnt' cause it to be any worse. It also doesn't hurt at all while doing actual lifting.
2) Exercise - no effect that I can see, cardio or even jogging or using the Wii
3) Sitting in front of the computer....enough hours and I'll get stiff like anyone else, but it doesn't seem to have any direct affect on my back

Things that definitely make it feel better:
1) Stretching + a hot shower + pills (excedrin migraine or ibuprofin mostly) right after I wake up. I put the shower on so hot I almost can't stand it, and leave it beating on my back for several minutes. (didnt' help this morning at all.)
2) Heating pad often helps (we have a wet-one...whatever you call them.)
3) Icy hot helps it feel better on some really bad days.

Things that have made me realize I have a problem over the last year:
1) Zero patience - I get irritated so fast over absolutely nothing that should set me off or used to. It happens with George, with good friends, with complete strangers.
2) Utterly raw emotions - I was reading the paper this morning about Bill Clinton's speech the other day and found myself bawling. I cry often....but only in the last few years. Little things also get me depressed way more than they should. And my complete outlook can turn on a dime....go from doing just fine to being in a horrible mood, and not even know why.
3) Lack of a smile on my face - I very often can't mange to even fake one. I may suffer from a small amount of depression, but generally am a very happy, well-adjusted person.
4) Conversations.....lacking badly. I find myself sitting there saying nothing and adding nothing to conversations all the time recently. It's like I feel like I have nothing important or worthwhile to say. I dont' want to blame all my problems on my back pain, but I didn't used to be like that.
5) The way I treat George - sometimes I just can't manage to be supportive like I want to and know I should. And when I get irritated with him, it's over nothing and shouldn't be happening. And he saw me smile yesterday and acted like he hadn't seen it in awhile...he may be right. He deserves better than I'm giving him right now.

Things I suspect might help but haven't tried and won't until I make sure there is no direct physical problem:
1) Regular massages
2) Heated Rock massages (forget the actual name but I've heard they do wonderful things
3) Chiropractor
4) Accupuncture - I only half believe in it, but it's worth a shot
5) Losing weight - I am obese according to Wii and the charts....not morbidly so, but obese nevertheless....that can't help. (when I did lose 45 lbs a few years back, I noticed no difference.)
6) Abs exercises - I wonder if having ab muscles would relieve the back of a lot of stress
7) More regular exercise - helps everything else

I'm tired of being in constant pain and it's really wearing on me....I've GOT to do something about it soon.