A Magical Time

What to say about this weekend....it was kind of magical for me in many ways.

It was band camp weekend....a weekend that I've looked forward to every year since the first early years where I was wary of the whole 'weekend' experience away with a bunch of musicians. I would go up for the Saturday all day rehearsal and leave that night, totally missing everything else. I thought I was getting the music magic without having to subject myself to a bunch of parties where I would feel ugly and unformtable as I usually do at parties.

But after a couple of years I tried the whole weekend and realized how much I was missing. It's an intense weekend of music where the band truly has the time together to be able to put the music we're playing where it needs to be. This year the music portion of the weekend had a secondary, but very important purpose. This was our time to really get to know our new conductor. We loved him when he auditioned but the first few weeks when he threw some very tough music at us and expected a lot out of us, it stirred up some unrest in the band. And I think the band threw him a few loops as well. But thats the nature of this relationship between band and a new leader. There will always be a feeling out period where we all get to know each other before we can bond musically. I tried to tell everyone that band camp is where we would find out who he is and what our relationship will be. He made us realize that it's a partnership...hopefully we brought him down to earth a bit. And many of us got to know him as a person for the first time. all round, it was a great success musically. We worked hard and it shows.

I guess I have to admit that it was also an important weekend for me musically. I've been really struggling with the tuba thing, feeling like I'm just not getting it and not contributing anything musically to the band for the first time. I've always felt that I gave something...but this time it's been a struggle just to play notes. And when you can't play basic notes, you can't put much musically into it. And I guess I was afraid that my reputation was taking a beating....that's stupid and egotistical, but real nevertheless. it's important to me to feel like I'm good at this one thing....music. On tuba, it felt like I was losing the music. Thank God for trombone in Swing band and the success I felt instantly with that....that kept me plugging away at tuba and not feeling like a complete failure this season. Anyways, this weekend I did start to feel like although it's not up to my standard, I have to admit it's finally getting better. I have to thank all my friends for helping me through it and encouraging me, telling me I'm sounding pretty good, even when I didn't believe it. I needed that. And I have to admit that hearing the new conductor tell me he was impressed with how far I'd come once he heard me in sectional.....that was also something I needed badly. I know he's had way more on his mind than worrying about what he thinks of me, but it was bothering me that he'd never heard me play anything well and his first impression was of me was on this thing that I could barely play. He also sounded genuinely impressed when I picked up the euphonium for the first time in a long time. That was nerve wracking because he is very accomplished on Euphonium in a way I never was and was playing with me. But I've always loved that tune, Amparita Roca and and especially the great euphonium counter-melody. And it was killing me to play tuba instead of Euphonium. And although I'm not great, I was once a very good euphonium player, so I didn't hesitate and in fact asked for the chance to play it. His reaction (and that of a few others in band) stroked my ego exactly how I needed....

In any case I'm feeling better about the tuba and about myself and I'll try to shut up about how bad I sound (yeah I probably spouted off about it too much and too frequently searching for validation.) I should've listened to my own advice about waiting until band camp to decide if I was a failure at it or not.

Although music is the reason for band camp, the true reason most of us love it is the comradarie while we are there. During rehearsal you are busy and breaks are short, so many of us don't know each other. Band camp forces us to eat and sleep together (minds out of the gutter boys....), party and have fun together. You talk to a lot of people you've never spoken to before and see how interesting or cute they are...or occasionally obnoxious but harmless. Everyone is in it together and we truly bond. The Friday night after rehearsal impromptue party is always a blast....everyone is in the mood to party and have fun. The Sat night party and talent show is always fun, and the bonfire is always a hoot. Not much Kumbaya here.

This year I had a magical time because of the friendships I have. One person I've gotten to know again after having known and adored him 10 years ago. We had a short but intensive friendship at a time when he was sort of in between college and finding himself. He drifted away and we happily ran into each other a couple of times, but now he's back in band and back in my life and I'm so very happy about that. Talk about finding yourself...what a guy he found! We had a great ride up and back in the convertible with the top down the entire time, daring it to rain on us. And I roomed with him, got to see most all of the gorgeous body which now matches his adorable personality, and cuddled a bit here and there. I thank him for a great time together and look forward to lots more. Welcome back again my friend (he's been back a year already...lol).

I also had a long conversation with a guy that I have enormous respect for and who I'm very happy to call my friend. He's found his own relationship in the last year and is really happy....and we had the best conversation we've probably ever had together....or at least the deepest one. We talked music, we talked band, we talked him, we talked his new lover, we talked me, my lover, our impending marriage...a whole lot. I thoroughly enjoyed it. And he also provided me a validation I really needed, that I was immediately helping the trombone section in Swing band. I thank him for his friendship and look forward to lots more.

Then there's my two special boys. Don't know why they like me but I don't care. The fact that they do makes me feel wonderful. I was really thrilled when they insisted I room with them this weekend and felt great when they automatically signed me up. It was tragic that it seemed like one of them couldn't be there this weekend because he was off being a hero, but my consolation was that i was going to try to help the other one enjoy himself without his best friend. When he showed up Friday night to shock us, I was elated that they were back together, but afraid that I might be the odd one out. But that didn't happen at all...instead they shared themselves with me and made me feel a true part of the friendship that they have. They are fun, intelligent, popular, incredibly good-looking guys and I've had the great opportunity to really get to know each of them well in the last year or so. And hot....both of them. I love each of them and the gift of their friendship. Thanks guys. I really look forward to lots more.

Thanks to all of the other wonderful people I got to know, or got to know better this weekend too. I look forward to the next one and the shorter times we have together while waiting till next year.