Thanksgiving is tomorrow and it's about time I pause and think about some of the things I have to be Thankful for. Too often I moan and groan about everything wrong, when so very much in life is exactly right. Here's a few things:
I'm Thankful that I have George - he IS my life....he keeps me sane and grounded, accepts me with my multitude of faults and doesn't try to change me despite them. He's kind, generous, loving and hot and I'm so very happy we found each other and proud to call him my husband.
I'm Thankful for my family. I could not have possibly been luckier than to have the parents and sisters that I have. Each of them is unique and wonderful.
I'm Thankful for my dear friends. Friends have always been important to me and this year seems to have made them even MORE important and prominent in my life. Jackie is probably my oldest closest friend, from college. Chris and Paula, who George and I travelled to San Diego with to get married, are dear dear friends. Steve Collins is a long-time, very close friend, along with his partner Mike. Jim Brooks is a dear friend that I've had a very unusual relationship with over the years, and right now I feel we're very close. I've become even closer to several other people this year, Matt & Chad (my boys), Scott SM, Rob, Beth, Scott B, Paul, Stan, Aditi, Anja, Lisa-Marie and many more who I'm failing to mention by name, especially my DCDD friends (apologies.)
I'm thankful that I continue to have music in my life. It's been an interesting year musically, what with Tuba and Trombone, being in 4 groups on 4 instruments and other stuff. I still love it, despite being overwhelmed at times.
I'm thankful for my animals, Skippy, Rachi and Copeland...they are great
I'm thankful that George and I both have our health
I'm thankful for our new kitchen and the fact that we have the resources available to do a major project like that. (which I suppose means I'm thankful for our jobs?)
I'm thankful for life....it is a most precious thing which we all should remember from time to time.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Friday, November 21, 2008
Feeling like a heifer
Today I feel fat.....and I mean hugely largely overly terribly obesely fat.
Guess I ate too much (for the last 47 years....)
Here's a picture just taken of me...
Guess I ate too much (for the last 47 years....)
Here's a picture just taken of me...
Monday, November 3, 2008
No Matter What California decides
I'm very happy that I decided to get married. This whole experience turned out to be so much more important and memorable to me than I ever expected.
First the followup to our wedding weekend. My sister Allyn came into town the following Thursday to help celebrate with the family and also to see my DCDD concert. The concert went really well and my whole family loved it. I'm only slightly disappointed that she saw me on tuba instead of horn since she's a horn player and has never heard me play it.
That Sunday, George and I (only slightly hung over from the post-band celebration we'd stayed too late for) went over to Genilee's house to celebrate the wedding with the family. I expected it to be like our birthday celebrations basically....a meal, good conversation, maybe a dessert, a present from each of them. But I could see as soon as I walked in that I'd underestimated greatly what they had planned. There was decorations, a table loaded with presents and even a wedding cake with tiers....which I was sure they must've purchased, but which I found out later my Mom had made. And as the afternoon went, I realized that they'd actually planned a full shower/reception sort of party, complete with games like the newlywood game for the couples (which we won of course) and the game where I'm blindfolded an feel everyone's feet and guess which is George's. And each of the game resulted in us getting yet another present. If we won, we'd open one, and if someeone else won, they'd pick one for us to open....lol. It was all centered around George and me, and it was FUN! I had a great time and even George, who hates games, seemed to enjoy it all. We got a load of really great presents, from a Kitchenaid, to kitchen decorations, toaster, kitchen clock, some pans and other stuff for the new kitchen, and even a beautiful piece of stained glass that Allyn made which will also go in the kitchen. Having never considered wedding presents or a wedding shower or reception....this was really something special for us.
The really special thing about the thing though.....was the legitimacy that it gave us. That sounds a bit strange, but what I mean by that is simply that my family felt it was very important for us to realize that they believed our wedding was like every other wedding in the family....just as important and just as true. It was really imporant to my mother that she get to throw us this shower/reception because she didn't get to be there for the actual wedding.
It touched my heart to know how my family feels. I knew that they always loved and accepted George, and certainly me. Yet somehow I underestimated their feelings about the wedding and the formalization of our relationship. I am blessed to have this family.
First the followup to our wedding weekend. My sister Allyn came into town the following Thursday to help celebrate with the family and also to see my DCDD concert. The concert went really well and my whole family loved it. I'm only slightly disappointed that she saw me on tuba instead of horn since she's a horn player and has never heard me play it.
That Sunday, George and I (only slightly hung over from the post-band celebration we'd stayed too late for) went over to Genilee's house to celebrate the wedding with the family. I expected it to be like our birthday celebrations basically....a meal, good conversation, maybe a dessert, a present from each of them. But I could see as soon as I walked in that I'd underestimated greatly what they had planned. There was decorations, a table loaded with presents and even a wedding cake with tiers....which I was sure they must've purchased, but which I found out later my Mom had made. And as the afternoon went, I realized that they'd actually planned a full shower/reception sort of party, complete with games like the newlywood game for the couples (which we won of course) and the game where I'm blindfolded an feel everyone's feet and guess which is George's. And each of the game resulted in us getting yet another present. If we won, we'd open one, and if someeone else won, they'd pick one for us to open....lol. It was all centered around George and me, and it was FUN! I had a great time and even George, who hates games, seemed to enjoy it all. We got a load of really great presents, from a Kitchenaid, to kitchen decorations, toaster, kitchen clock, some pans and other stuff for the new kitchen, and even a beautiful piece of stained glass that Allyn made which will also go in the kitchen. Having never considered wedding presents or a wedding shower or reception....this was really something special for us.
The really special thing about the thing though.....was the legitimacy that it gave us. That sounds a bit strange, but what I mean by that is simply that my family felt it was very important for us to realize that they believed our wedding was like every other wedding in the family....just as important and just as true. It was really imporant to my mother that she get to throw us this shower/reception because she didn't get to be there for the actual wedding.
It touched my heart to know how my family feels. I knew that they always loved and accepted George, and certainly me. Yet somehow I underestimated their feelings about the wedding and the formalization of our relationship. I am blessed to have this family.
Monday, October 20, 2008
A Weekend I'll Always Cherish
Thursday we woke as usual and went to work. But this was not a usual day or a usual time in our lives.....so we left work about noon, went home, picked up our things and traveled to Laurel to Chris and Paula's house. We all greeted each other with joy and excitement, and within a short time were on our way to the airport.
Once we got through the Delta ticket line (I don't ever recommend flying Delta again....took nearly 2 hours to process 10 people in that line and we almost missed the flight), we hopped onto our plane and headed for beautiful sunny San Diego.
The plan had been brewing for more than a month by that time, but not a significant amount of time considering what we were headed to California to do. It was hatched by Chris and her partner Paula, and George and I jumped fairly quickly on board both in support of them and for ourselves as well.
We arrived in San Diego after non-eventful flights and checked into the Del Cornado hotel that night and went to bed.
By 9am the next morning, the four of us were at the San Diego City Hall. The guard at the door greeted us warmly and asked what we were there for. 'We have an appointment to get our marriage licenses today.' She was very excited and asked us where we were from. When we told her Maryland and Virginia she got even more excited and said they should really put up a map on the wall and pushpins for all the places people are coming from to get married.....Alaska, Montana, etc, etc. This was because California had the decency to offer marriage licenses to gay people, and tons of people had made the trip we were making. Many more are probably headed there now to get in before the November 4th election when the voters of the state 'could' take that right back away from us again.
In any case, this was a happy occasion for us and we took lots of pictures, even in the hallways of city hall, snapping a pic of the 'marriage licenses --->' this way sign. The people in the office were equally as nice as the guard, and very helpful. Less than an hour later, we all had our licenses to be married later that day. They offered us a justice of the peace, but we had other plans.
The next few hours the four of us walked around various parts of Balboa Park....at one point we saw the world's largest outdoor organ being played by an older lady with several groups of schoolchildren watching as she gave a bit of music history while playing.
By noon, we all were at the Big Kitchen....a fabulous breakfast/lunch place run by a woman (Judy) who is an icon and a true personality. She's been a pillar of the gay community there in San Diego (and I'm not even sure she herself is gay...just very supportive) and George and I had gone there 10 years ago and met her. Whoopie Goldberg once washed dishes in her place when she was getting her start.....and Judy is still a stitch and a half. We met Karen and Robin there as well and all had lunch while discussing the wedding. Karen was to perform the ceremony and Robin is her wife/partner who was going to take pictures for us too. They are friends of Chris and Paula and Karen was ordained on-line through some universalist church that will ordain anyone....so she was technically clergy, although there was nothing religious about the ceremony. We discussed the plan....we would find a spot on the beach near the Del and do it there around 5pm.
After lunch we went back to the hotel to pick out our spot on the beach. When I stopped in the room, I found a beautiful basket filled with Wines and Chocolates and Snacks that my family had sent all of us to celebrate with. I about lost it on the spot when I read the card....although I should've known and expected it, they totally surprised me with the support they showed and I felt that my family was there with me in San Diego at that moment....I knew in their hearts that they were there and wanted to be with us. We proceeded to head to the beach. We spent an hour there and found a nice spot near an outcropping of rocks, then went and dipped our feet in the water and just enjoyed the view for awhile. It's a gorgeous spot with the ocean on one side and the beautiful Del Cornado on the other side....with a beach between.
With the spot picked out and the plan fully hatched, we went back to rest a bit, get dressed for the wedding and arranged to meet in our room at 4:30 for a pre-wedding toast, using the Wine we'd gotten (I even had room service bring up a corkscrew and real wine glasses.) We toasted their 21-year relationship and our 18-year relationship plus the significant friendship that the four of us have, and headed downstairs to meet up with Karen and Robin at 5.
Also at around 4:30 I got a frantic phone call from my good friend Jim Tompkins-Maclaine who lives with his partner Gerardo in San Diego (we stayed with them and went with them to the big kitchen 10 years ago and I've known Jim since college....he's an Ohio boy too.) Jim and I had connected again on facebook and he knew this was happening, but through a series of mishaps, he messed up the date of the wedding and only realized it 30 minutes beforehand. He was beside himself, but at that moment, I figured it was just fate and we weren't about to delay, so we hung up promising to talk later.
Once we met up with Karen and Robin, we all headed to our spot. Karen presided over a very nice ceremony for the four of us and Robin took lots of pictures. They also did a couple of really nice little touches to enhance things. They brought all 4 of us little bunches of flowers to hold, and a very nicely done certificate (with the Del as the background.) It was small and not very fancy....we were wearing flipflops because we were on the beach, but dressy, comfortable clothes otherwise.
Although prior to all of this I'd ever given much thought about actually getting married or what I would want in a ceremony, and it was short and sweet...and although I committed to George years ago....I've never meant anything in my life more than the words I said to George at that moment. It was the most significant moment in my life.
After the ceremony and lots of picture taking and laughter, we all headed to a fancy restaurant at the Del and had a wonderful dinner and conversation. That night we also arranged to meet up with Jim and Gerardo the next day. George and I of course went back to our room and had our first sex as a married couple! (we were virgins before that naturally.)
Next morning, we were up early and off to Disneyland where we met up with Jim and Gerardo just outside the park. We ran ourselves ragged all day long and had a great time.....did our usual ride on Dumbo with us in front of Chris and Paula so we could get pictures of them (it's a tradition between us) and rode every ride we could get into. The park was packed, but we really didn't care. An extra special touch was the Swing Band that was performing there that evening. It was a fabulous day. What made it extra special was the opportunity to get to know Gerardo while re-establishing what has always been a great friendship with Jim. Although they were together during our 10-years earlier trip, Gerardo barely spoke a word of English (he's from Mexico) and was very shy. And I felt like an idiot cause I could speak a word of Spanish either, so there were some awkward times and we went away feeling like we didn't know him at all. He speaks perfect English 10 years later and we actually got to know him for the first time...and he's just a delightful person as well.
The next day we were all pretty wiped from a more than 12-hour day of running around Disneyland. Chris and Paula headed off on their own to tour their old places they used to live (via car) and hook up with some other friends, and they dropped us off at a hotel downtown where we'd arranged to meet Jim and Gerardo for brunch. it was incredibly fancy and we drank a bit too much champagne (or George did.) Afterward, Jim had a rehearsal so we went back to their place....and ended up just hanging out there with them all day long, watching some TV, sitting on the couch and talking. Although it doesn't sound too exciting, it was exactly what we wanted...a time to simply relax and unwind and get to know a good friend and a new one again. We thoroughly enjoyed ourselves.
The next day, the four of us flew home together....all of it feeling pretty surreal.
It was a time I'll never forget. Although I hope gay marriage eventually becomes legal for all, and certainly hope that California does not overturn it.....we didn't do it for any political reason or to make a statement. We also didn't do it for legal reasons as it is not recognized here and Virginia is about as anti-gay as any state in the union. We didn't do it to tell each other that we were committed....that happened years ago. It was just a piece of paper. While we were doing it, we didn't really know WHY we were doing it.
But what I've come to realize is that it really means something to me and to George now...the act of having gone through the experience. I do feel a little bit different, a little bit more legitimate. And the reactions that we've gotten from friends and family add significantly to that feeling because people see us just slightly differently too. It feels wonderful to call him my husband.
Once we got through the Delta ticket line (I don't ever recommend flying Delta again....took nearly 2 hours to process 10 people in that line and we almost missed the flight), we hopped onto our plane and headed for beautiful sunny San Diego.
The plan had been brewing for more than a month by that time, but not a significant amount of time considering what we were headed to California to do. It was hatched by Chris and her partner Paula, and George and I jumped fairly quickly on board both in support of them and for ourselves as well.
We arrived in San Diego after non-eventful flights and checked into the Del Cornado hotel that night and went to bed.
By 9am the next morning, the four of us were at the San Diego City Hall. The guard at the door greeted us warmly and asked what we were there for. 'We have an appointment to get our marriage licenses today.' She was very excited and asked us where we were from. When we told her Maryland and Virginia she got even more excited and said they should really put up a map on the wall and pushpins for all the places people are coming from to get married.....Alaska, Montana, etc, etc. This was because California had the decency to offer marriage licenses to gay people, and tons of people had made the trip we were making. Many more are probably headed there now to get in before the November 4th election when the voters of the state 'could' take that right back away from us again.
In any case, this was a happy occasion for us and we took lots of pictures, even in the hallways of city hall, snapping a pic of the 'marriage licenses --->' this way sign. The people in the office were equally as nice as the guard, and very helpful. Less than an hour later, we all had our licenses to be married later that day. They offered us a justice of the peace, but we had other plans.
The next few hours the four of us walked around various parts of Balboa Park....at one point we saw the world's largest outdoor organ being played by an older lady with several groups of schoolchildren watching as she gave a bit of music history while playing.
By noon, we all were at the Big Kitchen....a fabulous breakfast/lunch place run by a woman (Judy) who is an icon and a true personality. She's been a pillar of the gay community there in San Diego (and I'm not even sure she herself is gay...just very supportive) and George and I had gone there 10 years ago and met her. Whoopie Goldberg once washed dishes in her place when she was getting her start.....and Judy is still a stitch and a half. We met Karen and Robin there as well and all had lunch while discussing the wedding. Karen was to perform the ceremony and Robin is her wife/partner who was going to take pictures for us too. They are friends of Chris and Paula and Karen was ordained on-line through some universalist church that will ordain anyone....so she was technically clergy, although there was nothing religious about the ceremony. We discussed the plan....we would find a spot on the beach near the Del and do it there around 5pm.
After lunch we went back to the hotel to pick out our spot on the beach. When I stopped in the room, I found a beautiful basket filled with Wines and Chocolates and Snacks that my family had sent all of us to celebrate with. I about lost it on the spot when I read the card....although I should've known and expected it, they totally surprised me with the support they showed and I felt that my family was there with me in San Diego at that moment....I knew in their hearts that they were there and wanted to be with us. We proceeded to head to the beach. We spent an hour there and found a nice spot near an outcropping of rocks, then went and dipped our feet in the water and just enjoyed the view for awhile. It's a gorgeous spot with the ocean on one side and the beautiful Del Cornado on the other side....with a beach between.
With the spot picked out and the plan fully hatched, we went back to rest a bit, get dressed for the wedding and arranged to meet in our room at 4:30 for a pre-wedding toast, using the Wine we'd gotten (I even had room service bring up a corkscrew and real wine glasses.) We toasted their 21-year relationship and our 18-year relationship plus the significant friendship that the four of us have, and headed downstairs to meet up with Karen and Robin at 5.
Also at around 4:30 I got a frantic phone call from my good friend Jim Tompkins-Maclaine who lives with his partner Gerardo in San Diego (we stayed with them and went with them to the big kitchen 10 years ago and I've known Jim since college....he's an Ohio boy too.) Jim and I had connected again on facebook and he knew this was happening, but through a series of mishaps, he messed up the date of the wedding and only realized it 30 minutes beforehand. He was beside himself, but at that moment, I figured it was just fate and we weren't about to delay, so we hung up promising to talk later.
Once we met up with Karen and Robin, we all headed to our spot. Karen presided over a very nice ceremony for the four of us and Robin took lots of pictures. They also did a couple of really nice little touches to enhance things. They brought all 4 of us little bunches of flowers to hold, and a very nicely done certificate (with the Del as the background.) It was small and not very fancy....we were wearing flipflops because we were on the beach, but dressy, comfortable clothes otherwise.
Although prior to all of this I'd ever given much thought about actually getting married or what I would want in a ceremony, and it was short and sweet...and although I committed to George years ago....I've never meant anything in my life more than the words I said to George at that moment. It was the most significant moment in my life.
After the ceremony and lots of picture taking and laughter, we all headed to a fancy restaurant at the Del and had a wonderful dinner and conversation. That night we also arranged to meet up with Jim and Gerardo the next day. George and I of course went back to our room and had our first sex as a married couple! (we were virgins before that naturally.)
Next morning, we were up early and off to Disneyland where we met up with Jim and Gerardo just outside the park. We ran ourselves ragged all day long and had a great time.....did our usual ride on Dumbo with us in front of Chris and Paula so we could get pictures of them (it's a tradition between us) and rode every ride we could get into. The park was packed, but we really didn't care. An extra special touch was the Swing Band that was performing there that evening. It was a fabulous day. What made it extra special was the opportunity to get to know Gerardo while re-establishing what has always been a great friendship with Jim. Although they were together during our 10-years earlier trip, Gerardo barely spoke a word of English (he's from Mexico) and was very shy. And I felt like an idiot cause I could speak a word of Spanish either, so there were some awkward times and we went away feeling like we didn't know him at all. He speaks perfect English 10 years later and we actually got to know him for the first time...and he's just a delightful person as well.
The next day we were all pretty wiped from a more than 12-hour day of running around Disneyland. Chris and Paula headed off on their own to tour their old places they used to live (via car) and hook up with some other friends, and they dropped us off at a hotel downtown where we'd arranged to meet Jim and Gerardo for brunch. it was incredibly fancy and we drank a bit too much champagne (or George did.) Afterward, Jim had a rehearsal so we went back to their place....and ended up just hanging out there with them all day long, watching some TV, sitting on the couch and talking. Although it doesn't sound too exciting, it was exactly what we wanted...a time to simply relax and unwind and get to know a good friend and a new one again. We thoroughly enjoyed ourselves.
The next day, the four of us flew home together....all of it feeling pretty surreal.
It was a time I'll never forget. Although I hope gay marriage eventually becomes legal for all, and certainly hope that California does not overturn it.....we didn't do it for any political reason or to make a statement. We also didn't do it for legal reasons as it is not recognized here and Virginia is about as anti-gay as any state in the union. We didn't do it to tell each other that we were committed....that happened years ago. It was just a piece of paper. While we were doing it, we didn't really know WHY we were doing it.
But what I've come to realize is that it really means something to me and to George now...the act of having gone through the experience. I do feel a little bit different, a little bit more legitimate. And the reactions that we've gotten from friends and family add significantly to that feeling because people see us just slightly differently too. It feels wonderful to call him my husband.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Thursday, October 2, 2008
A Whiney Day
Don't know why, but I woke up depressed today and can't seem to shake it. Rather than whine to my boys like I want to do....I decided to whine here to save them the trouble.
Ultimately this is nothing....Lots of little unimportant things are probably just adding up. I'm a bit unhappy that I'm getting married next week and I can't find a time to get my hair cut. I've been going to the same person for almost 20 years, but the only day I have any time in the next week....she's off work. I don't like any options I have....either go somewhere else (wouldn't know where and would probably end up with a bowl cut anyhow), go at some horribly inconventient time (not even sure if there IS one that could even work), or ask her to drag her rear in on her day off. I feel ugly and old enough as it is right now without having my hair look like crap too.
I'm pretty disombobulated at home at the moment because of the kitchen renovations....can't find anything, can't seem to ever remember where anything is or how to get to it. I'm washing dishes in a bathroom sink and draining them in the tub. They laid ceramic tile yesterday and were laying the last tiles when Steve arrived to pick me up for Swing Band. The tile is in the kitchen and powder room and comes all the way to the front door and steps to the upstairs. And of course we aren't allowed to step on it. But I had to get past that, into the living room for the Trombone, then down into the basement (access through the kitchen) without using the floor at all. I somehow managed but was pretty frazzled by the time I left. It's just weird coming home to your front door wide open and people working there that you can't even really communicate with.....another time I really wish I spoke Spanish.
I guess I'm still depressed from post-band camp too a bit. And Skippy isn't feeling good either and I'm a bit worried about him as well as pissed at one of my cats. We have a cat with cat-box problems....long history and it's not all his fault, but I still want to just wring his neck when he pisses on something on the bed right in front of me like he did last night. You can't really punish a cat with any good consequences, but me being me, I get angry at him and don't want to look at him for several days afterward. That irrational anger at my animals when they really don't understand why is what makes me question if I would've been a good parent. I often think I would've stunk. (luckily my anger manifests itself mentally and vocally rather than physically.)
Stupid little nothings getting me down today.....Ok, just need to shut up and bury myself in work.
Ultimately this is nothing....Lots of little unimportant things are probably just adding up. I'm a bit unhappy that I'm getting married next week and I can't find a time to get my hair cut. I've been going to the same person for almost 20 years, but the only day I have any time in the next week....she's off work. I don't like any options I have....either go somewhere else (wouldn't know where and would probably end up with a bowl cut anyhow), go at some horribly inconventient time (not even sure if there IS one that could even work), or ask her to drag her rear in on her day off. I feel ugly and old enough as it is right now without having my hair look like crap too.
I'm pretty disombobulated at home at the moment because of the kitchen renovations....can't find anything, can't seem to ever remember where anything is or how to get to it. I'm washing dishes in a bathroom sink and draining them in the tub. They laid ceramic tile yesterday and were laying the last tiles when Steve arrived to pick me up for Swing Band. The tile is in the kitchen and powder room and comes all the way to the front door and steps to the upstairs. And of course we aren't allowed to step on it. But I had to get past that, into the living room for the Trombone, then down into the basement (access through the kitchen) without using the floor at all. I somehow managed but was pretty frazzled by the time I left. It's just weird coming home to your front door wide open and people working there that you can't even really communicate with.....another time I really wish I spoke Spanish.
I guess I'm still depressed from post-band camp too a bit. And Skippy isn't feeling good either and I'm a bit worried about him as well as pissed at one of my cats. We have a cat with cat-box problems....long history and it's not all his fault, but I still want to just wring his neck when he pisses on something on the bed right in front of me like he did last night. You can't really punish a cat with any good consequences, but me being me, I get angry at him and don't want to look at him for several days afterward. That irrational anger at my animals when they really don't understand why is what makes me question if I would've been a good parent. I often think I would've stunk. (luckily my anger manifests itself mentally and vocally rather than physically.)
Stupid little nothings getting me down today.....Ok, just need to shut up and bury myself in work.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
A Magical Time
What to say about this weekend....it was kind of magical for me in many ways.
It was band camp weekend....a weekend that I've looked forward to every year since the first early years where I was wary of the whole 'weekend' experience away with a bunch of musicians. I would go up for the Saturday all day rehearsal and leave that night, totally missing everything else. I thought I was getting the music magic without having to subject myself to a bunch of parties where I would feel ugly and unformtable as I usually do at parties.
But after a couple of years I tried the whole weekend and realized how much I was missing. It's an intense weekend of music where the band truly has the time together to be able to put the music we're playing where it needs to be. This year the music portion of the weekend had a secondary, but very important purpose. This was our time to really get to know our new conductor. We loved him when he auditioned but the first few weeks when he threw some very tough music at us and expected a lot out of us, it stirred up some unrest in the band. And I think the band threw him a few loops as well. But thats the nature of this relationship between band and a new leader. There will always be a feeling out period where we all get to know each other before we can bond musically. I tried to tell everyone that band camp is where we would find out who he is and what our relationship will be. He made us realize that it's a partnership...hopefully we brought him down to earth a bit. And many of us got to know him as a person for the first time. all round, it was a great success musically. We worked hard and it shows.
I guess I have to admit that it was also an important weekend for me musically. I've been really struggling with the tuba thing, feeling like I'm just not getting it and not contributing anything musically to the band for the first time. I've always felt that I gave something...but this time it's been a struggle just to play notes. And when you can't play basic notes, you can't put much musically into it. And I guess I was afraid that my reputation was taking a beating....that's stupid and egotistical, but real nevertheless. it's important to me to feel like I'm good at this one thing....music. On tuba, it felt like I was losing the music. Thank God for trombone in Swing band and the success I felt instantly with that....that kept me plugging away at tuba and not feeling like a complete failure this season. Anyways, this weekend I did start to feel like although it's not up to my standard, I have to admit it's finally getting better. I have to thank all my friends for helping me through it and encouraging me, telling me I'm sounding pretty good, even when I didn't believe it. I needed that. And I have to admit that hearing the new conductor tell me he was impressed with how far I'd come once he heard me in sectional.....that was also something I needed badly. I know he's had way more on his mind than worrying about what he thinks of me, but it was bothering me that he'd never heard me play anything well and his first impression was of me was on this thing that I could barely play. He also sounded genuinely impressed when I picked up the euphonium for the first time in a long time. That was nerve wracking because he is very accomplished on Euphonium in a way I never was and was playing with me. But I've always loved that tune, Amparita Roca and and especially the great euphonium counter-melody. And it was killing me to play tuba instead of Euphonium. And although I'm not great, I was once a very good euphonium player, so I didn't hesitate and in fact asked for the chance to play it. His reaction (and that of a few others in band) stroked my ego exactly how I needed....
In any case I'm feeling better about the tuba and about myself and I'll try to shut up about how bad I sound (yeah I probably spouted off about it too much and too frequently searching for validation.) I should've listened to my own advice about waiting until band camp to decide if I was a failure at it or not.
Although music is the reason for band camp, the true reason most of us love it is the comradarie while we are there. During rehearsal you are busy and breaks are short, so many of us don't know each other. Band camp forces us to eat and sleep together (minds out of the gutter boys....), party and have fun together. You talk to a lot of people you've never spoken to before and see how interesting or cute they are...or occasionally obnoxious but harmless. Everyone is in it together and we truly bond. The Friday night after rehearsal impromptue party is always a blast....everyone is in the mood to party and have fun. The Sat night party and talent show is always fun, and the bonfire is always a hoot. Not much Kumbaya here.
This year I had a magical time because of the friendships I have. One person I've gotten to know again after having known and adored him 10 years ago. We had a short but intensive friendship at a time when he was sort of in between college and finding himself. He drifted away and we happily ran into each other a couple of times, but now he's back in band and back in my life and I'm so very happy about that. Talk about finding yourself...what a guy he found! We had a great ride up and back in the convertible with the top down the entire time, daring it to rain on us. And I roomed with him, got to see most all of the gorgeous body which now matches his adorable personality, and cuddled a bit here and there. I thank him for a great time together and look forward to lots more. Welcome back again my friend (he's been back a year already...lol).
I also had a long conversation with a guy that I have enormous respect for and who I'm very happy to call my friend. He's found his own relationship in the last year and is really happy....and we had the best conversation we've probably ever had together....or at least the deepest one. We talked music, we talked band, we talked him, we talked his new lover, we talked me, my lover, our impending marriage...a whole lot. I thoroughly enjoyed it. And he also provided me a validation I really needed, that I was immediately helping the trombone section in Swing band. I thank him for his friendship and look forward to lots more.
Then there's my two special boys. Don't know why they like me but I don't care. The fact that they do makes me feel wonderful. I was really thrilled when they insisted I room with them this weekend and felt great when they automatically signed me up. It was tragic that it seemed like one of them couldn't be there this weekend because he was off being a hero, but my consolation was that i was going to try to help the other one enjoy himself without his best friend. When he showed up Friday night to shock us, I was elated that they were back together, but afraid that I might be the odd one out. But that didn't happen at all...instead they shared themselves with me and made me feel a true part of the friendship that they have. They are fun, intelligent, popular, incredibly good-looking guys and I've had the great opportunity to really get to know each of them well in the last year or so. And hot....both of them. I love each of them and the gift of their friendship. Thanks guys. I really look forward to lots more.
Thanks to all of the other wonderful people I got to know, or got to know better this weekend too. I look forward to the next one and the shorter times we have together while waiting till next year.
It was band camp weekend....a weekend that I've looked forward to every year since the first early years where I was wary of the whole 'weekend' experience away with a bunch of musicians. I would go up for the Saturday all day rehearsal and leave that night, totally missing everything else. I thought I was getting the music magic without having to subject myself to a bunch of parties where I would feel ugly and unformtable as I usually do at parties.
But after a couple of years I tried the whole weekend and realized how much I was missing. It's an intense weekend of music where the band truly has the time together to be able to put the music we're playing where it needs to be. This year the music portion of the weekend had a secondary, but very important purpose. This was our time to really get to know our new conductor. We loved him when he auditioned but the first few weeks when he threw some very tough music at us and expected a lot out of us, it stirred up some unrest in the band. And I think the band threw him a few loops as well. But thats the nature of this relationship between band and a new leader. There will always be a feeling out period where we all get to know each other before we can bond musically. I tried to tell everyone that band camp is where we would find out who he is and what our relationship will be. He made us realize that it's a partnership...hopefully we brought him down to earth a bit. And many of us got to know him as a person for the first time. all round, it was a great success musically. We worked hard and it shows.
I guess I have to admit that it was also an important weekend for me musically. I've been really struggling with the tuba thing, feeling like I'm just not getting it and not contributing anything musically to the band for the first time. I've always felt that I gave something...but this time it's been a struggle just to play notes. And when you can't play basic notes, you can't put much musically into it. And I guess I was afraid that my reputation was taking a beating....that's stupid and egotistical, but real nevertheless. it's important to me to feel like I'm good at this one thing....music. On tuba, it felt like I was losing the music. Thank God for trombone in Swing band and the success I felt instantly with that....that kept me plugging away at tuba and not feeling like a complete failure this season. Anyways, this weekend I did start to feel like although it's not up to my standard, I have to admit it's finally getting better. I have to thank all my friends for helping me through it and encouraging me, telling me I'm sounding pretty good, even when I didn't believe it. I needed that. And I have to admit that hearing the new conductor tell me he was impressed with how far I'd come once he heard me in sectional.....that was also something I needed badly. I know he's had way more on his mind than worrying about what he thinks of me, but it was bothering me that he'd never heard me play anything well and his first impression was of me was on this thing that I could barely play. He also sounded genuinely impressed when I picked up the euphonium for the first time in a long time. That was nerve wracking because he is very accomplished on Euphonium in a way I never was and was playing with me. But I've always loved that tune, Amparita Roca and and especially the great euphonium counter-melody. And it was killing me to play tuba instead of Euphonium. And although I'm not great, I was once a very good euphonium player, so I didn't hesitate and in fact asked for the chance to play it. His reaction (and that of a few others in band) stroked my ego exactly how I needed....
In any case I'm feeling better about the tuba and about myself and I'll try to shut up about how bad I sound (yeah I probably spouted off about it too much and too frequently searching for validation.) I should've listened to my own advice about waiting until band camp to decide if I was a failure at it or not.
Although music is the reason for band camp, the true reason most of us love it is the comradarie while we are there. During rehearsal you are busy and breaks are short, so many of us don't know each other. Band camp forces us to eat and sleep together (minds out of the gutter boys....), party and have fun together. You talk to a lot of people you've never spoken to before and see how interesting or cute they are...or occasionally obnoxious but harmless. Everyone is in it together and we truly bond. The Friday night after rehearsal impromptue party is always a blast....everyone is in the mood to party and have fun. The Sat night party and talent show is always fun, and the bonfire is always a hoot. Not much Kumbaya here.
This year I had a magical time because of the friendships I have. One person I've gotten to know again after having known and adored him 10 years ago. We had a short but intensive friendship at a time when he was sort of in between college and finding himself. He drifted away and we happily ran into each other a couple of times, but now he's back in band and back in my life and I'm so very happy about that. Talk about finding yourself...what a guy he found! We had a great ride up and back in the convertible with the top down the entire time, daring it to rain on us. And I roomed with him, got to see most all of the gorgeous body which now matches his adorable personality, and cuddled a bit here and there. I thank him for a great time together and look forward to lots more. Welcome back again my friend (he's been back a year already...lol).
I also had a long conversation with a guy that I have enormous respect for and who I'm very happy to call my friend. He's found his own relationship in the last year and is really happy....and we had the best conversation we've probably ever had together....or at least the deepest one. We talked music, we talked band, we talked him, we talked his new lover, we talked me, my lover, our impending marriage...a whole lot. I thoroughly enjoyed it. And he also provided me a validation I really needed, that I was immediately helping the trombone section in Swing band. I thank him for his friendship and look forward to lots more.
Then there's my two special boys. Don't know why they like me but I don't care. The fact that they do makes me feel wonderful. I was really thrilled when they insisted I room with them this weekend and felt great when they automatically signed me up. It was tragic that it seemed like one of them couldn't be there this weekend because he was off being a hero, but my consolation was that i was going to try to help the other one enjoy himself without his best friend. When he showed up Friday night to shock us, I was elated that they were back together, but afraid that I might be the odd one out. But that didn't happen at all...instead they shared themselves with me and made me feel a true part of the friendship that they have. They are fun, intelligent, popular, incredibly good-looking guys and I've had the great opportunity to really get to know each of them well in the last year or so. And hot....both of them. I love each of them and the gift of their friendship. Thanks guys. I really look forward to lots more.
Thanks to all of the other wonderful people I got to know, or got to know better this weekend too. I look forward to the next one and the shorter times we have together while waiting till next year.
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