What to say about this weekend....it was kind of magical for me in many ways.
It was band camp weekend....a weekend that I've looked forward to every year since the first early years where I was wary of the whole 'weekend' experience away with a bunch of musicians. I would go up for the Saturday all day rehearsal and leave that night, totally missing everything else. I thought I was getting the music magic without having to subject myself to a bunch of parties where I would feel ugly and unformtable as I usually do at parties.
But after a couple of years I tried the whole weekend and realized how much I was missing. It's an intense weekend of music where the band truly has the time together to be able to put the music we're playing where it needs to be. This year the music portion of the weekend had a secondary, but very important purpose. This was our time to really get to know our new conductor. We loved him when he auditioned but the first few weeks when he threw some very tough music at us and expected a lot out of us, it stirred up some unrest in the band. And I think the band threw him a few loops as well. But thats the nature of this relationship between band and a new leader. There will always be a feeling out period where we all get to know each other before we can bond musically. I tried to tell everyone that band camp is where we would find out who he is and what our relationship will be. He made us realize that it's a partnership...hopefully we brought him down to earth a bit. And many of us got to know him as a person for the first time. all round, it was a great success musically. We worked hard and it shows.
I guess I have to admit that it was also an important weekend for me musically. I've been really struggling with the tuba thing, feeling like I'm just not getting it and not contributing anything musically to the band for the first time. I've always felt that I gave something...but this time it's been a struggle just to play notes. And when you can't play basic notes, you can't put much musically into it. And I guess I was afraid that my reputation was taking a beating....that's stupid and egotistical, but real nevertheless. it's important to me to feel like I'm good at this one thing....music. On tuba, it felt like I was losing the music. Thank God for trombone in Swing band and the success I felt instantly with that....that kept me plugging away at tuba and not feeling like a complete failure this season. Anyways, this weekend I did start to feel like although it's not up to my standard, I have to admit it's finally getting better. I have to thank all my friends for helping me through it and encouraging me, telling me I'm sounding pretty good, even when I didn't believe it. I needed that. And I have to admit that hearing the new conductor tell me he was impressed with how far I'd come once he heard me in sectional.....that was also something I needed badly. I know he's had way more on his mind than worrying about what he thinks of me, but it was bothering me that he'd never heard me play anything well and his first impression was of me was on this thing that I could barely play. He also sounded genuinely impressed when I picked up the euphonium for the first time in a long time. That was nerve wracking because he is very accomplished on Euphonium in a way I never was and was playing with me. But I've always loved that tune, Amparita Roca and and especially the great euphonium counter-melody. And it was killing me to play tuba instead of Euphonium. And although I'm not great, I was once a very good euphonium player, so I didn't hesitate and in fact asked for the chance to play it. His reaction (and that of a few others in band) stroked my ego exactly how I needed....
In any case I'm feeling better about the tuba and about myself and I'll try to shut up about how bad I sound (yeah I probably spouted off about it too much and too frequently searching for validation.) I should've listened to my own advice about waiting until band camp to decide if I was a failure at it or not.
Although music is the reason for band camp, the true reason most of us love it is the comradarie while we are there. During rehearsal you are busy and breaks are short, so many of us don't know each other. Band camp forces us to eat and sleep together (minds out of the gutter boys....), party and have fun together. You talk to a lot of people you've never spoken to before and see how interesting or cute they are...or occasionally obnoxious but harmless. Everyone is in it together and we truly bond. The Friday night after rehearsal impromptue party is always a blast....everyone is in the mood to party and have fun. The Sat night party and talent show is always fun, and the bonfire is always a hoot. Not much Kumbaya here.
This year I had a magical time because of the friendships I have. One person I've gotten to know again after having known and adored him 10 years ago. We had a short but intensive friendship at a time when he was sort of in between college and finding himself. He drifted away and we happily ran into each other a couple of times, but now he's back in band and back in my life and I'm so very happy about that. Talk about finding yourself...what a guy he found! We had a great ride up and back in the convertible with the top down the entire time, daring it to rain on us. And I roomed with him, got to see most all of the gorgeous body which now matches his adorable personality, and cuddled a bit here and there. I thank him for a great time together and look forward to lots more. Welcome back again my friend (he's been back a year already...lol).
I also had a long conversation with a guy that I have enormous respect for and who I'm very happy to call my friend. He's found his own relationship in the last year and is really happy....and we had the best conversation we've probably ever had together....or at least the deepest one. We talked music, we talked band, we talked him, we talked his new lover, we talked me, my lover, our impending marriage...a whole lot. I thoroughly enjoyed it. And he also provided me a validation I really needed, that I was immediately helping the trombone section in Swing band. I thank him for his friendship and look forward to lots more.
Then there's my two special boys. Don't know why they like me but I don't care. The fact that they do makes me feel wonderful. I was really thrilled when they insisted I room with them this weekend and felt great when they automatically signed me up. It was tragic that it seemed like one of them couldn't be there this weekend because he was off being a hero, but my consolation was that i was going to try to help the other one enjoy himself without his best friend. When he showed up Friday night to shock us, I was elated that they were back together, but afraid that I might be the odd one out. But that didn't happen at all...instead they shared themselves with me and made me feel a true part of the friendship that they have. They are fun, intelligent, popular, incredibly good-looking guys and I've had the great opportunity to really get to know each of them well in the last year or so. And hot....both of them. I love each of them and the gift of their friendship. Thanks guys. I really look forward to lots more.
Thanks to all of the other wonderful people I got to know, or got to know better this weekend too. I look forward to the next one and the shorter times we have together while waiting till next year.
Showing posts with label DCDD. Show all posts
Showing posts with label DCDD. Show all posts
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Monday, September 22, 2008
Instrumental Updates
Here is an update from my perspective on how all my instrument-switching is going at the moment.
Tuba - I switched in concert band this season to Tuba, partially because that's what the band needed, and partially cause I thought it would be a good challenge. Tuba so far is not going well at all. I still feel like I pretty much suck on it and am adding nothing to the band. It's a disappointment but not a total surprise. For one, I've never played a tuba well in the past in my few attempts....that was true of French Horn for a long time too. 2nd, the music the band is playing is way too hard for me to be attempting to switch to a new instrument where I also have to transpose it all, and expect myself to be good. But I'm still disappointed in myself so far. I'm just not used to feeling like I sound like an 8th grader on ANY instrument and it usually doesn't take me long to get some sense of proficiency on it. So far on tuba, I feel like i'm kinda sucking...and not in the good way. It also leaves me feeling like I have a lot to prove before I'll ever get in Joe Bello's good graces. He doesn't know me from Adam, hasn't heard me play anything proficiently, and must simply think I suck and have no business on the tuba.
French Horn - I picked it back up for Stonewall brass rehearsal on Saturday and it went better than expected. Although it wasn't pretty, it wasn't awful either and I kept up with everyone else. The jury is still out on it at this point.
Bari Sax - I love the instrument and really love being in Sax in the City or whatever we end up calling our quarquintet (4 parts, 5 members.) Right now I feel like it's the only thing I play well. The sax quartet was going to perform at band camp, which would've given Joe a look to see that I'm not 100% incompetant. But with Chad deployed to Houston for disaster relief, that's out too. So Joe will have to continue to have a low opinion of me for awhile.
Trumpet - I have no where to play it other than for myself. I'm still working on Toot Suite for the small ensemble concert, but I doubt if I'll get it together and actually get a group to perform it.
Trombone - At the same time I switched to tuba in band, I switched to trombone in Swing band. Now I didn't practice it even once until the night before the first rehearsal (I blame the frantic tuba practicing and the Olympics), which means my entire experience was one marching band season at least 10 years prior. But almost instantly, it felt natural and right to me....polar opposite of the tuba. It's much closer in embouchure to euphonium, my original instrument, so it's not totally surprising. But what is surprising is just how good it feels to play it, how much I'm already enjoying it. I was forced almost instantly to play some first parts and solos, and I'm eating it up. Now I have a huge solo to work on, attempting to play Traces, which Joe Czarnicki played beautifully, but which hasn't been played by anyone else. I tried to offer it to everyone else, but no one took it, and me being the ham that I did.....did. Chris wants to play it on the December first concert. I find it a bit ironic that it will be the first time Joe here's me play something and not think I sound like an 8th grader (hopefully)....and on an instrument I've actually played less than tuba.
So at the moment, I'm loving playing Trombone and Bari Sax. I still love the trumpet. I feel somewhat better than I have in a long time about the Horn. And tuba....well, I can only hope it gets better in time for the concerts. At this point, I'm not expecting much. And since Scott now needs it for Stonewall and may also need it for an orchestra, I have a good excuse to give it up after December 1st concert. I can't see myself spending money to get one either when I'm not even enjoying playing it.
Tuba - I switched in concert band this season to Tuba, partially because that's what the band needed, and partially cause I thought it would be a good challenge. Tuba so far is not going well at all. I still feel like I pretty much suck on it and am adding nothing to the band. It's a disappointment but not a total surprise. For one, I've never played a tuba well in the past in my few attempts....that was true of French Horn for a long time too. 2nd, the music the band is playing is way too hard for me to be attempting to switch to a new instrument where I also have to transpose it all, and expect myself to be good. But I'm still disappointed in myself so far. I'm just not used to feeling like I sound like an 8th grader on ANY instrument and it usually doesn't take me long to get some sense of proficiency on it. So far on tuba, I feel like i'm kinda sucking...and not in the good way. It also leaves me feeling like I have a lot to prove before I'll ever get in Joe Bello's good graces. He doesn't know me from Adam, hasn't heard me play anything proficiently, and must simply think I suck and have no business on the tuba.
French Horn - I picked it back up for Stonewall brass rehearsal on Saturday and it went better than expected. Although it wasn't pretty, it wasn't awful either and I kept up with everyone else. The jury is still out on it at this point.
Bari Sax - I love the instrument and really love being in Sax in the City or whatever we end up calling our quarquintet (4 parts, 5 members.) Right now I feel like it's the only thing I play well. The sax quartet was going to perform at band camp, which would've given Joe a look to see that I'm not 100% incompetant. But with Chad deployed to Houston for disaster relief, that's out too. So Joe will have to continue to have a low opinion of me for awhile.
Trumpet - I have no where to play it other than for myself. I'm still working on Toot Suite for the small ensemble concert, but I doubt if I'll get it together and actually get a group to perform it.
Trombone - At the same time I switched to tuba in band, I switched to trombone in Swing band. Now I didn't practice it even once until the night before the first rehearsal (I blame the frantic tuba practicing and the Olympics), which means my entire experience was one marching band season at least 10 years prior. But almost instantly, it felt natural and right to me....polar opposite of the tuba. It's much closer in embouchure to euphonium, my original instrument, so it's not totally surprising. But what is surprising is just how good it feels to play it, how much I'm already enjoying it. I was forced almost instantly to play some first parts and solos, and I'm eating it up. Now I have a huge solo to work on, attempting to play Traces, which Joe Czarnicki played beautifully, but which hasn't been played by anyone else. I tried to offer it to everyone else, but no one took it, and me being the ham that I did.....did. Chris wants to play it on the December first concert. I find it a bit ironic that it will be the first time Joe here's me play something and not think I sound like an 8th grader (hopefully)....and on an instrument I've actually played less than tuba.
So at the moment, I'm loving playing Trombone and Bari Sax. I still love the trumpet. I feel somewhat better than I have in a long time about the Horn. And tuba....well, I can only hope it gets better in time for the concerts. At this point, I'm not expecting much. And since Scott now needs it for Stonewall and may also need it for an orchestra, I have a good excuse to give it up after December 1st concert. I can't see myself spending money to get one either when I'm not even enjoying playing it.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Adventures in Tuba-sitting
I've had two weeks playing tuba so far in band rehearsals. Practicing on my own is not a good barometer of how I'll be when I'm in a group, so I was very curious to see how I did.
So far, the results are mixed. I'm both better than I feared I'd be, and much worse than I'd like to be. I guess what I naively didn't count on is that the music we're playing is extremely difficult. It seems like every piece is a grade 6, and there are parts of it that I'm certain I couldn't play if I practiced 3 hours a day until the concert. Those things are usually fast passages....and at least one piece has 16th and 32nd notes in the tuba part....and quite fast tempo too. Ain't happenin....at least no where near cleanly. The best part about my own musical ability is that even when I can't play something and am strugging through it, I don't get lost....it's a VERY rare occasion for me to be lost to the point where I can't find my way back on track within 4 bars or so. This Monday we were playing a piece called Niagara Falls (initial impression was utter hatred of it) and at one point, I was just royally lost. And shocked because of it. George was shocked when I told him too because he'd never heard of me feeling lost while playing before.
The new conductor so far is treating the entire group like we are professional musicians, which in my opinion is a big mistake. If I'm getting lost, then I can only imagine what others must be feeling, and the conductor isn't offering much help. Our group consists of such a wide range of musicians that when you do that, it starts to drive people away because they don't feel like they are keeping up. I've already heard from a few friends who are very unhappy at the moment, and I'm a bit worried about that. If I hadn't been in the group for so long, I might also be unhappy. There are going to be unhappy people no matter what happens, but I do hope that the intent is not to drive people out. But Joe deserves a chance to do what he intends to do with the group before I pass judgement on him (like I have any right anyhow), and that's not going to happen in a couple of rehearsals. I'm trying to go with the flow and see what happens.
But back to tuba....I'm also struggling more with the transposition than I thought I would. Again, that could be because the music is so hard to begin with....take that difficult music and try to sight-transpose it and you're doubling the difficulty. Add to that an unfamiliarity with the instrument itself, and sometimes a struggle to get a pitch to speak out of the horn at all, and I guess you can't expect too much.
On the upside, each day I pick it up, and I really am practicing a lot more than I normally do, it gets a bit better. I still hope that by band camp, I'll be playing and feeling ok about it.
On the other hand, I have also switched to trombone in Swing Band. I probably have less actual experience playing a trombone than I did a tuba, so you'd think I'd stink on that even worse. But I was a euphonium player originally....which uses the same mouthpiece and therefore embouchure as the trombone....same basic breath support too. (when the heck did I develop this habit of using ..... constantly in everything I write.....?)
Now my entire experience of playing a trombone was marching with it one year about 15 years ago, which means I played 3 very simple tunes and nothing else before or since. And I practiced tuba every day prior to the first rehearsal...and ignored trombone completely until the night before the first rehearsal. Yet I already play it a lot better than tuba, and had no problems in swing band. The big difference between trombone and euphonium of course is using the slide and getting in the right place, but I knew the basics. I'm not too exact on it yet, but I have a good ear and adjust quickly when I'm off. I felt really good about it that night. I get one more rehearsal, then a gig. But it doesn't worry me at all and in fact is fun so far. I'm a bit disappointed that I haven't gotten any feedback on either instrument....guess I need some validation that I'm helping more than harming, and people probably don't expect me to need that.
Last night I finally got to play a familiar instrument again. We had Sax in the City rehearsal and it was great as always. This group is even getting Jive for Five performance-ready. Last night we got all the way through it and surprised ourselves how decent it sounded. I'm finally starting to win everyone else over to that piece I think. It was really nice playing the bari again...felt like it had been months since I played an instrument I sort of knew how to play. (again I'm not a real bari player...but I've been doing it longer and feel more successful on it.)
I just wish I had somewhere to also play trumpet right now....love that instrument and prefer playing it to most others, but no one ever seems to need or want me on it. (band has 15 trumpets now.) I still want to play it on the small ensemble concert but need to get my act together soon if I'm going to do that.
Lol, saxes want to play at band camp like we did last year. That's fine and I want to as well, but I am wondering exactly how I'm going to get myself, my sleeping bag and clothes, music stand, tuba AND Bari sax all to band camp in my Pontiac Solstice (two-seater convertible with virtually no trunk.) That should be most interesting!
So far, the results are mixed. I'm both better than I feared I'd be, and much worse than I'd like to be. I guess what I naively didn't count on is that the music we're playing is extremely difficult. It seems like every piece is a grade 6, and there are parts of it that I'm certain I couldn't play if I practiced 3 hours a day until the concert. Those things are usually fast passages....and at least one piece has 16th and 32nd notes in the tuba part....and quite fast tempo too. Ain't happenin....at least no where near cleanly. The best part about my own musical ability is that even when I can't play something and am strugging through it, I don't get lost....it's a VERY rare occasion for me to be lost to the point where I can't find my way back on track within 4 bars or so. This Monday we were playing a piece called Niagara Falls (initial impression was utter hatred of it) and at one point, I was just royally lost. And shocked because of it. George was shocked when I told him too because he'd never heard of me feeling lost while playing before.
The new conductor so far is treating the entire group like we are professional musicians, which in my opinion is a big mistake. If I'm getting lost, then I can only imagine what others must be feeling, and the conductor isn't offering much help. Our group consists of such a wide range of musicians that when you do that, it starts to drive people away because they don't feel like they are keeping up. I've already heard from a few friends who are very unhappy at the moment, and I'm a bit worried about that. If I hadn't been in the group for so long, I might also be unhappy. There are going to be unhappy people no matter what happens, but I do hope that the intent is not to drive people out. But Joe deserves a chance to do what he intends to do with the group before I pass judgement on him (like I have any right anyhow), and that's not going to happen in a couple of rehearsals. I'm trying to go with the flow and see what happens.
But back to tuba....I'm also struggling more with the transposition than I thought I would. Again, that could be because the music is so hard to begin with....take that difficult music and try to sight-transpose it and you're doubling the difficulty. Add to that an unfamiliarity with the instrument itself, and sometimes a struggle to get a pitch to speak out of the horn at all, and I guess you can't expect too much.
On the upside, each day I pick it up, and I really am practicing a lot more than I normally do, it gets a bit better. I still hope that by band camp, I'll be playing and feeling ok about it.
On the other hand, I have also switched to trombone in Swing Band. I probably have less actual experience playing a trombone than I did a tuba, so you'd think I'd stink on that even worse. But I was a euphonium player originally....which uses the same mouthpiece and therefore embouchure as the trombone....same basic breath support too. (when the heck did I develop this habit of using ..... constantly in everything I write.....?)
Now my entire experience of playing a trombone was marching with it one year about 15 years ago, which means I played 3 very simple tunes and nothing else before or since. And I practiced tuba every day prior to the first rehearsal...and ignored trombone completely until the night before the first rehearsal. Yet I already play it a lot better than tuba, and had no problems in swing band. The big difference between trombone and euphonium of course is using the slide and getting in the right place, but I knew the basics. I'm not too exact on it yet, but I have a good ear and adjust quickly when I'm off. I felt really good about it that night. I get one more rehearsal, then a gig. But it doesn't worry me at all and in fact is fun so far. I'm a bit disappointed that I haven't gotten any feedback on either instrument....guess I need some validation that I'm helping more than harming, and people probably don't expect me to need that.
Last night I finally got to play a familiar instrument again. We had Sax in the City rehearsal and it was great as always. This group is even getting Jive for Five performance-ready. Last night we got all the way through it and surprised ourselves how decent it sounded. I'm finally starting to win everyone else over to that piece I think. It was really nice playing the bari again...felt like it had been months since I played an instrument I sort of knew how to play. (again I'm not a real bari player...but I've been doing it longer and feel more successful on it.)
I just wish I had somewhere to also play trumpet right now....love that instrument and prefer playing it to most others, but no one ever seems to need or want me on it. (band has 15 trumpets now.) I still want to play it on the small ensemble concert but need to get my act together soon if I'm going to do that.
Lol, saxes want to play at band camp like we did last year. That's fine and I want to as well, but I am wondering exactly how I'm going to get myself, my sleeping bag and clothes, music stand, tuba AND Bari sax all to band camp in my Pontiac Solstice (two-seater convertible with virtually no trunk.) That should be most interesting!
Friday, August 1, 2008
What to play....what to play.....followup
Well, the decision of what to play this fall in DCDD was finally made, thanks to help from a friend. I was realy agonizing about what to play this year.
1) Had a 'falling out' with French Horn this year and needed to step away from it for awhile.
2) Wanted to play Trumpet, but found out we already had plenty and they not only don't need me, but don't really want me to play it.
3) Could've played Euphonium, which was my main instrument, but wasn't really into it as I don't have a good horn and the band also doesn't need them.
4) Percussion was on my mind until I found out we have 9 coming this fall...definitely didn't need another.
5) Wanted to play what the band needed most, tuba, but had no instrument and found out that most places don't rent them or have extremely limited selections of them to rent.
About 2 weeks ago I was beginning to get really worried cause it looked like I had nothing to play that I wanted to play. But awhile back I had asked my friend Scott (a real tuba-player....shut-up Scott, it's true) to help me pick out a rental tuba and he had agreed. So when I told him that was off because there were none to be found, he very kindly and graciously out of the blue, offered to loan me HIS tuba. I was floored, but immediately excited and now it looks like I'm going to be playing tuba afterall. Thanks SOOOOOO much Scott!
Just to prove that I really AM crazy, I also decided to switch from Bari Sax to Trombone in Swing band (had been considering it for awhile and we really need them badly).....AND managed to get Stonewall brass moving forward, which means that I'll still be playing some French Horn...and I still have Bari in the sax quartet. AND I'm attempting to get good enough on Claude Bolling's Toot Suite to play trumpet at the small ensemble concert next fall.
So....I'm learning two new instruments, Trombone and Tuba - and the Tuba is a C Tuba meaning I also have to transpose everything - and still playing two others in groups and another as a solo. But the craziest part is, there are four different brass instruments all with radically different mouthpiece sizes (ok, Horn and trumpet are pretty close.)
And none of these instruments are my real one. I really hope I can handle this.
And I'm also doing all of this while under a new conductor who is going to simply think I'm a lousy tuba player and completely nuts.
Oh well, never claimed to be sane :).
1) Had a 'falling out' with French Horn this year and needed to step away from it for awhile.
2) Wanted to play Trumpet, but found out we already had plenty and they not only don't need me, but don't really want me to play it.
3) Could've played Euphonium, which was my main instrument, but wasn't really into it as I don't have a good horn and the band also doesn't need them.
4) Percussion was on my mind until I found out we have 9 coming this fall...definitely didn't need another.
5) Wanted to play what the band needed most, tuba, but had no instrument and found out that most places don't rent them or have extremely limited selections of them to rent.
About 2 weeks ago I was beginning to get really worried cause it looked like I had nothing to play that I wanted to play. But awhile back I had asked my friend Scott (a real tuba-player....shut-up Scott, it's true) to help me pick out a rental tuba and he had agreed. So when I told him that was off because there were none to be found, he very kindly and graciously out of the blue, offered to loan me HIS tuba. I was floored, but immediately excited and now it looks like I'm going to be playing tuba afterall. Thanks SOOOOOO much Scott!
Just to prove that I really AM crazy, I also decided to switch from Bari Sax to Trombone in Swing band (had been considering it for awhile and we really need them badly).....AND managed to get Stonewall brass moving forward, which means that I'll still be playing some French Horn...and I still have Bari in the sax quartet. AND I'm attempting to get good enough on Claude Bolling's Toot Suite to play trumpet at the small ensemble concert next fall.
So....I'm learning two new instruments, Trombone and Tuba - and the Tuba is a C Tuba meaning I also have to transpose everything - and still playing two others in groups and another as a solo. But the craziest part is, there are four different brass instruments all with radically different mouthpiece sizes (ok, Horn and trumpet are pretty close.)
And none of these instruments are my real one. I really hope I can handle this.
And I'm also doing all of this while under a new conductor who is going to simply think I'm a lousy tuba player and completely nuts.
Oh well, never claimed to be sane :).
Friday, July 25, 2008
Mom
I find myself sitting at my desk crying at the moment...moved to tears by the pain of a dear friend, who lost his mother a few days ago. She was about the same age as my own parents. I've been incredibly lucky to still have both of my parents at 83 and 81, who celebrated their 60th anniversary 2 days ago, and who are both doing well.
My friend David, one of the sweetest guys I know in the world, wasn't so lucky. Although I didn't know his mother personally, I know the results of part of her work in this world, in the form of her son. He always has a smile on his face and a kind word for people, and he gives an incredible amount of time and energy to anything he gets involved in. He handles responsibilities well, without letting it affect the way he treats people he has to deal with to do it. He has a great sense of humor and a great outlook on life. And he's been very good to me in many many ways.
From that, I know that his mother did a heck of a lot of things right in this world. I know he is hurting and is really going to miss her and my heart goes out to you David. If there's any way I can help....
My friend David, one of the sweetest guys I know in the world, wasn't so lucky. Although I didn't know his mother personally, I know the results of part of her work in this world, in the form of her son. He always has a smile on his face and a kind word for people, and he gives an incredible amount of time and energy to anything he gets involved in. He handles responsibilities well, without letting it affect the way he treats people he has to deal with to do it. He has a great sense of humor and a great outlook on life. And he's been very good to me in many many ways.
From that, I know that his mother did a heck of a lot of things right in this world. I know he is hurting and is really going to miss her and my heart goes out to you David. If there's any way I can help....
Friday, July 18, 2008
What a waste of talent!
Question of the day....have I wasted my God-given talent?
Here's the situation. From the time I was a very little kid, it was obvious that I had some musical talent. I had a lovely soprano boys voice and I was singing solos in church by the time I was 5. I had three older sisters who were in high school, and when they needed a little kid to play a part in the high school musical, it was usually me. I played the young son in the main family in Bye Bye Birdie, and although I don't remember details, I am told that I sang at least one solo, had a bunch of lines, and sang my individual part in a quartet (and that 2 of the other members of the quartet could barely handle their parts and would instead follow me)....and this was in 2nd grade. In third grade I donned blackface and played a young black kid in Finian's Rainbow. (we had no African Americans in our small town....and trust me, I didn't know there was anything wrong with it at the time.) They also had variety shows at the high school, but somehow I was always in them....once singing three songs from Oliver.
When I was old enough to play an instrument....I chose trumpet so that I could be like that gorgeous red-faced 1st chair trumpet player (named Roll Shepherd) that sat in front of my sister Monya in band. I couldn't take my eyes off him.....and this wasn't lust cause I was about 8....I wanted to BE him.
This was when my problem first reared it's head....as a singer everything came naturally to me. Now I suddenly had to learn something completely different, and commit to it. I played on a hand-me-down trumpet that my Dad played in high school, then two of my sisters played it. By the time I played it, there were holes in the lead pipe and it was on it's last legs. At the end of my 5th grade year (first full year of playing the horn) each student had to get up and play a brief solo in front of parents and friends, etc to show what they'd learned. I had really struggled and had procrastinated and not practiced, so I knew I wouldn't be good. I got up in front of what seemed like the whole world, couldn't get a note to come out of the horn, and ran down off the stage crying. I gave up band completely then and there. Luckily a very astute teacher knew my background and refused to let it happen. She convinced me that the problem was physical, that my lips were too big for trumpet, and I should try other instruments. When I asked what ones, she said perhaps French Horn (already had two sisters playing that one so I knew what it was) or Baritone. I had never heard of it, so she showed me one and I blew on it. Almost instantly I was 100 times better, so switched on the spot and kept playing it through college.
I guess I practiced some in middle school, but found I was ahead of most of the rest of the people and didn't need to practice much to play my parts in band well. By 7th grade I had a big solo in band.....guess I'd improved quickly from running off stage crying. In high school, my band director recognized that I had talent and put me in a small ensemble. Although I rarely ever practiced, I played a lot and got pretty good. I didn't have much to compare myself against, so I had no idea how good until I got 2nd chair in an all-state band. Still, I never took it seriously and didn't practice much.
In college, I expected to be way down the list of players, but found that I was the best euphonium player on campus as a freshman. This is not bragging...it's just how it was. There were only 3 other euphonium majors and they were mediocre. (But I went to Miami of Ohio, which was not known as a music school.) Now in college I tried to practice more....but next to other students, I just never put in the time.
Still, I was the best euphonium player and one of the top musicians in the school as a senior.....and this without really practicing much.
Somewhere along the way, I just never learned to commit to practicing, and got by on raw talent. It's still true today. In DCDD I've played several instruments, and some would claim that I pull it off quite well. But I know the truth. I get by because I learned to be a reasonably good musician over the years, but I've never truly been good on any one instrument because I'm constantly switching around, sometimes performing on more than one at a time.
It's come back to bite me this past year because for the last 10 years or so in band, I've been playing French Horn. This is not an instrument that you just pick up, usually. It's got to be one of the hardest instruments to play and certainly the hardest brass instrument, because its partials are so close together. I always say that it barely matters what valve you put down on horn because you can get any note to speak with almost any valves (rotors) down. So for 10 years, I got by again on raw musical ability.....and I almost never practiced it. Yet somehow I managed and was usually playing the first parts (helps that I'm musically fearless too.) For 10 years I've felt largely like I was faking it, successfully. This past year, suddenly I feel like I've lost it. I no longer am playing it well and everything I do sounds crappy to me. The only way to get over it is to practice....so since our last concert, the horn has sat in the bathroom waiting for a bath....and not even getting THAT much attention. I can't seem to face the horn to fight through it. Instead, I'm ready to switch instruments again.
Why is this? I seem to have been born without the practice gene or the committment gene. Practicing for me is torture. I like to PLAY, not practice. It's weird and I'm ashamed of it, but can't seem to change it, because it is who I am.
Many people probably believe that I've wasted the talent I was given. I'll never be well known (deservedly so) for playing. The main place that I play is a gay community band, for usually very small audiences. I've never achieved a high level of success on any one instrument.
I could be GOOD, damnit.
But the truth is....at least I was smart enough to know myself at a fairly early age. I knew my limits in high school, and even while I was considered one of the best in my college, I knew I was not achieving the level I could...and why. And I made a decision at some point that I was going to have music play an important role in my life, without it becoming my career.....and that was a very smart decision.
Music is my hobby and my passion. I love it and I love playing in groups. I wish I was more committed and wish I felt like I did more than get by. I'll always wonder what I might've achieved if I had been a little different than I am. But I don't sit around worrying about it (much), and I'm happy with the amount of it I have in my life.
Wasted my talent? No...I just used it in a different way than other people might've. Regrets? sure...but not many. I'm mostly happy with what I've done with music in my life. I'm proud of the little successes I've had, and proud to be a part of my little band, DCDD. That organization is much more than just a community band...it's the source of most of my friends, and most of my social life as well.
Here's the situation. From the time I was a very little kid, it was obvious that I had some musical talent. I had a lovely soprano boys voice and I was singing solos in church by the time I was 5. I had three older sisters who were in high school, and when they needed a little kid to play a part in the high school musical, it was usually me. I played the young son in the main family in Bye Bye Birdie, and although I don't remember details, I am told that I sang at least one solo, had a bunch of lines, and sang my individual part in a quartet (and that 2 of the other members of the quartet could barely handle their parts and would instead follow me)....and this was in 2nd grade. In third grade I donned blackface and played a young black kid in Finian's Rainbow. (we had no African Americans in our small town....and trust me, I didn't know there was anything wrong with it at the time.) They also had variety shows at the high school, but somehow I was always in them....once singing three songs from Oliver.
When I was old enough to play an instrument....I chose trumpet so that I could be like that gorgeous red-faced 1st chair trumpet player (named Roll Shepherd) that sat in front of my sister Monya in band. I couldn't take my eyes off him.....and this wasn't lust cause I was about 8....I wanted to BE him.
This was when my problem first reared it's head....as a singer everything came naturally to me. Now I suddenly had to learn something completely different, and commit to it. I played on a hand-me-down trumpet that my Dad played in high school, then two of my sisters played it. By the time I played it, there were holes in the lead pipe and it was on it's last legs. At the end of my 5th grade year (first full year of playing the horn) each student had to get up and play a brief solo in front of parents and friends, etc to show what they'd learned. I had really struggled and had procrastinated and not practiced, so I knew I wouldn't be good. I got up in front of what seemed like the whole world, couldn't get a note to come out of the horn, and ran down off the stage crying. I gave up band completely then and there. Luckily a very astute teacher knew my background and refused to let it happen. She convinced me that the problem was physical, that my lips were too big for trumpet, and I should try other instruments. When I asked what ones, she said perhaps French Horn (already had two sisters playing that one so I knew what it was) or Baritone. I had never heard of it, so she showed me one and I blew on it. Almost instantly I was 100 times better, so switched on the spot and kept playing it through college.
I guess I practiced some in middle school, but found I was ahead of most of the rest of the people and didn't need to practice much to play my parts in band well. By 7th grade I had a big solo in band.....guess I'd improved quickly from running off stage crying. In high school, my band director recognized that I had talent and put me in a small ensemble. Although I rarely ever practiced, I played a lot and got pretty good. I didn't have much to compare myself against, so I had no idea how good until I got 2nd chair in an all-state band. Still, I never took it seriously and didn't practice much.
In college, I expected to be way down the list of players, but found that I was the best euphonium player on campus as a freshman. This is not bragging...it's just how it was. There were only 3 other euphonium majors and they were mediocre. (But I went to Miami of Ohio, which was not known as a music school.) Now in college I tried to practice more....but next to other students, I just never put in the time.
Still, I was the best euphonium player and one of the top musicians in the school as a senior.....and this without really practicing much.
Somewhere along the way, I just never learned to commit to practicing, and got by on raw talent. It's still true today. In DCDD I've played several instruments, and some would claim that I pull it off quite well. But I know the truth. I get by because I learned to be a reasonably good musician over the years, but I've never truly been good on any one instrument because I'm constantly switching around, sometimes performing on more than one at a time.
It's come back to bite me this past year because for the last 10 years or so in band, I've been playing French Horn. This is not an instrument that you just pick up, usually. It's got to be one of the hardest instruments to play and certainly the hardest brass instrument, because its partials are so close together. I always say that it barely matters what valve you put down on horn because you can get any note to speak with almost any valves (rotors) down. So for 10 years, I got by again on raw musical ability.....and I almost never practiced it. Yet somehow I managed and was usually playing the first parts (helps that I'm musically fearless too.) For 10 years I've felt largely like I was faking it, successfully. This past year, suddenly I feel like I've lost it. I no longer am playing it well and everything I do sounds crappy to me. The only way to get over it is to practice....so since our last concert, the horn has sat in the bathroom waiting for a bath....and not even getting THAT much attention. I can't seem to face the horn to fight through it. Instead, I'm ready to switch instruments again.
Why is this? I seem to have been born without the practice gene or the committment gene. Practicing for me is torture. I like to PLAY, not practice. It's weird and I'm ashamed of it, but can't seem to change it, because it is who I am.
Many people probably believe that I've wasted the talent I was given. I'll never be well known (deservedly so) for playing. The main place that I play is a gay community band, for usually very small audiences. I've never achieved a high level of success on any one instrument.
I could be GOOD, damnit.
But the truth is....at least I was smart enough to know myself at a fairly early age. I knew my limits in high school, and even while I was considered one of the best in my college, I knew I was not achieving the level I could...and why. And I made a decision at some point that I was going to have music play an important role in my life, without it becoming my career.....and that was a very smart decision.
Music is my hobby and my passion. I love it and I love playing in groups. I wish I was more committed and wish I felt like I did more than get by. I'll always wonder what I might've achieved if I had been a little different than I am. But I don't sit around worrying about it (much), and I'm happy with the amount of it I have in my life.
Wasted my talent? No...I just used it in a different way than other people might've. Regrets? sure...but not many. I'm mostly happy with what I've done with music in my life. I'm proud of the little successes I've had, and proud to be a part of my little band, DCDD. That organization is much more than just a community band...it's the source of most of my friends, and most of my social life as well.
Friday, June 6, 2008
What to play....what to play.....
I'm having a really hard time deciding what I want to play in DCDD Symphonic band in the fall.
Ok, my musical history in the band:
I joined in 1983 or 1984...I'm not 100% certain, but it was in the first year after I graduated college with a music degree. I was a Euphonium player in high school and college and went to Miami of Ohio....that WELL-known music school (NOT). I went there for a couple of reasons. First, I was limited to in-state Ohio State colleges because that was what we could begin to afford. My parents gave me everything they could, and I grew up never truly wanting for anything, but we never had much money either. So my choices were basically Bowling Green where 2 sisters went, or Miami where I knew someone in the music school - Pam Lump who's mother worked with my parents....I didn't truly know her until I got there and we became great friends (to this day). I chose Miami and was at least a year into it before realizing that their music school was a big nothing.
In any case, I was the star Euphonium player there. My instructor, Dr. Thomas Clay, told me I was one of the two best he'd ever had. Turns out that didn't mean that much really, but it felt good. I ended up on scholarships, did my four years and had a useless music education degree.
(boy can I tangent)
So just after college I joined the band...to immediate boredom. I've indicated before that the band sucked bigtime back then, and I was at my highest playing level having just graduated from constantly playing music. So it was like going back to 5th grade music as a somewhat accomplished musician.
Obviously I was playing euphonium at that time in the band and stayed on it for many years. Eventually I switched to trumpet for the challenge. Mary Bahr was the star trumpet and was very nice to me, helping me along playing third parts. After a year or so, a casual friend passed away, and Nora Greenleaf formed a brass quintet to play at the funeral, and asked me to be the 2nd trumpet. The group stayed together for almost 6 years and I became a decent trumpet player because we were religious about rehearsing weekly. At the same time, most trumpets dropped out of band and I was forced to become the first trumpet player, plus a swing band formed (Steppin' Out) and I played 2nd in that group, which meant that I got all of the solos. Those things made me into a reasonable trumpet player.
Within the brass quintet, we used to switch instruments at the end of rehearsals for fun, calling it Nurd quintet. I started grabbing the French Horn most of the time. I must've been richer than normal at that point in life because I ran out and bought one. I switched to French Horn in band for fun and in quintet for the last year, and eventually became our band Section Leader (I just gave it up to Steve Price after the last concert.) Over the years in band, I also played Bass Clarinet, Trombone, Percussion but mostly went back and forth between Horn, Euphonium and Trumpet as needed.
In the last few years I switched to Baritone Sax in the current Swing Band (DC Swing) and this past year also joined Sax in the City, our Sax Quartet +1. (we play Quartet music, but have an extra bari player at the moment.) At the moment, I'm probably playing Bari better than any other instrument.
So...why am I struggling with what to play? Well, over the years, I always asked the conductor what they need me to play, which was trumpet for years, then Horn for the past 7-8 years. Something happened with me on French Horn this past year. I haven't a clue what it was, but suddenly I have felt like I absolutely suck on that instrument. This past Spring, my Horn playing just never came back to me and I struggled big-time. Usually after our yearly breaks, my playing suffers for a few weeks since I don't practice much when the group isn't playing, then comes back a few weeks into it. This year, it never came back. So I'm VERY discouraged on Horn and have no desire to play it at the moment.
Trumpet....this is what I really want to play, but the band doesn't need them as far as I know, so I'll get sucky parts and won't be helping the band where I should.
Euphonium - I've not been happy with the instrument I own for years. It's a non-compensating Yamaha....decent, but not great. Three things keep me from wanting to play that...first the bad horn, second the band doesn't really need them either, and third, our new conductor is a Euphonium player in a military band and solos all over the world. No matter how well I play, I'll seem like I suck to him since it's his instrument too. So I'm intimidated by that.
Bari - forget it...love the instrument but band Bari parts are about the worst parts in band. The instrument is used to supplement tubas or low woodwinds, but composers and arrangers simply use it as a not important bass instrument in the band....translation - the parts will bore me to tears.
So that leaves me not knowing what to do. I guess I have a month or two to decide, but this is the first time in 25 years I've felt unsure of what to play....NOTHING seems right at the moment.
Ok, my musical history in the band:
I joined in 1983 or 1984...I'm not 100% certain, but it was in the first year after I graduated college with a music degree. I was a Euphonium player in high school and college and went to Miami of Ohio....that WELL-known music school (NOT). I went there for a couple of reasons. First, I was limited to in-state Ohio State colleges because that was what we could begin to afford. My parents gave me everything they could, and I grew up never truly wanting for anything, but we never had much money either. So my choices were basically Bowling Green where 2 sisters went, or Miami where I knew someone in the music school - Pam Lump who's mother worked with my parents....I didn't truly know her until I got there and we became great friends (to this day). I chose Miami and was at least a year into it before realizing that their music school was a big nothing.
In any case, I was the star Euphonium player there. My instructor, Dr. Thomas Clay, told me I was one of the two best he'd ever had. Turns out that didn't mean that much really, but it felt good. I ended up on scholarships, did my four years and had a useless music education degree.
(boy can I tangent)
So just after college I joined the band...to immediate boredom. I've indicated before that the band sucked bigtime back then, and I was at my highest playing level having just graduated from constantly playing music. So it was like going back to 5th grade music as a somewhat accomplished musician.
Obviously I was playing euphonium at that time in the band and stayed on it for many years. Eventually I switched to trumpet for the challenge. Mary Bahr was the star trumpet and was very nice to me, helping me along playing third parts. After a year or so, a casual friend passed away, and Nora Greenleaf formed a brass quintet to play at the funeral, and asked me to be the 2nd trumpet. The group stayed together for almost 6 years and I became a decent trumpet player because we were religious about rehearsing weekly. At the same time, most trumpets dropped out of band and I was forced to become the first trumpet player, plus a swing band formed (Steppin' Out) and I played 2nd in that group, which meant that I got all of the solos. Those things made me into a reasonable trumpet player.
Within the brass quintet, we used to switch instruments at the end of rehearsals for fun, calling it Nurd quintet. I started grabbing the French Horn most of the time. I must've been richer than normal at that point in life because I ran out and bought one. I switched to French Horn in band for fun and in quintet for the last year, and eventually became our band Section Leader (I just gave it up to Steve Price after the last concert.) Over the years in band, I also played Bass Clarinet, Trombone, Percussion but mostly went back and forth between Horn, Euphonium and Trumpet as needed.
In the last few years I switched to Baritone Sax in the current Swing Band (DC Swing) and this past year also joined Sax in the City, our Sax Quartet +1. (we play Quartet music, but have an extra bari player at the moment.) At the moment, I'm probably playing Bari better than any other instrument.
So...why am I struggling with what to play? Well, over the years, I always asked the conductor what they need me to play, which was trumpet for years, then Horn for the past 7-8 years. Something happened with me on French Horn this past year. I haven't a clue what it was, but suddenly I have felt like I absolutely suck on that instrument. This past Spring, my Horn playing just never came back to me and I struggled big-time. Usually after our yearly breaks, my playing suffers for a few weeks since I don't practice much when the group isn't playing, then comes back a few weeks into it. This year, it never came back. So I'm VERY discouraged on Horn and have no desire to play it at the moment.
Trumpet....this is what I really want to play, but the band doesn't need them as far as I know, so I'll get sucky parts and won't be helping the band where I should.
Euphonium - I've not been happy with the instrument I own for years. It's a non-compensating Yamaha....decent, but not great. Three things keep me from wanting to play that...first the bad horn, second the band doesn't really need them either, and third, our new conductor is a Euphonium player in a military band and solos all over the world. No matter how well I play, I'll seem like I suck to him since it's his instrument too. So I'm intimidated by that.
Bari - forget it...love the instrument but band Bari parts are about the worst parts in band. The instrument is used to supplement tubas or low woodwinds, but composers and arrangers simply use it as a not important bass instrument in the band....translation - the parts will bore me to tears.
So that leaves me not knowing what to do. I guess I have a month or two to decide, but this is the first time in 25 years I've felt unsure of what to play....NOTHING seems right at the moment.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Scott's Last Concert
DCDD is a group I've been in for about 25 years now. I can't remember the exact date I started with the group, but it was my first attempt to learn how to be a gay man after college.
In college I had a group of friends who were mostly pretty accepting, but I had no gay friends that I knew about. so when I graduated and moved to DC, naturally one of the things I wanted most in my new life was to meet gay people and figure out what it meant to be gay. I had even had sex yet, except for the beginning of a drunken encounter with a professor that turned to a temporary disaster with me running out of his place....another time, another story.
My wonderful sister Genilee lived here in DC and I'd spent a summer between Sophmore and Junior years of college getting to know her (she's 7 years older than me.) She also wanted to help me meet more gay people and become comfortable with it....to the point where she and I went to Dupont Circle, found someone who looked obviously gay and followed them till they went into a bar, so we could find a gay bar. She went right in with me.....to Mr P's. In any case, she also encouraged me to join the band, so I did....I believe still in 1983.
I was fresh out of college as a euphonium major....so my playing was currently at it's highest level, probably ever. I joined a group of what I can only loosely describe at the time as musicians....the band sucked, frankly. And it sucked for years afterward as a musical organization...playing third grade music, badly and out of tune. We had conductors who didn't seem to really care to improve the group musically, treating the whole thing like a social organization. Because I was uncomfortable being around gay people, I would arrive at rehearsal just before it started, and RUN out the door as soon as it ended. I didn't stick around because I felt like I was intruding on a close-knit group. People who were in it in 1983 through probably 1990 wouldn't even remember me. I was like a ghost or a fly on the wall, and honestly felt like I never belonged. Gradually, I came out of my shell....but I didn't mean to go on about me.
So musically, the group stank and I was playing at such a high level that I was musically almost totally bored. And I was completely embarrassed to be heard so I never even thought about inviting anyone to a concert. I got no musical satisfaction out of playing stuff way below me....so after several years I decided to switch to an instrument that would at least challenge me a little. Gradually the level of the band both organizationally and musically crept up somewhat, once Glenn Cadoret became president. that was probably in the early 1990s. We had a series of good presidents, then good boards, and a few conductors that started to challenge us a little bit. We had no audience and a tiny band, but at least we produced some reasonable semblance to music. I was still pretty embarrassed by the group, and switched again at some point to French Horn....essentially just offering to play my instruments based on what the band was short on.
In 1998, we got a new Artistic Director....Scott Barker.
In college I had a group of friends who were mostly pretty accepting, but I had no gay friends that I knew about. so when I graduated and moved to DC, naturally one of the things I wanted most in my new life was to meet gay people and figure out what it meant to be gay. I had even had sex yet, except for the beginning of a drunken encounter with a professor that turned to a temporary disaster with me running out of his place....another time, another story.
My wonderful sister Genilee lived here in DC and I'd spent a summer between Sophmore and Junior years of college getting to know her (she's 7 years older than me.) She also wanted to help me meet more gay people and become comfortable with it....to the point where she and I went to Dupont Circle, found someone who looked obviously gay and followed them till they went into a bar, so we could find a gay bar. She went right in with me.....to Mr P's. In any case, she also encouraged me to join the band, so I did....I believe still in 1983.
I was fresh out of college as a euphonium major....so my playing was currently at it's highest level, probably ever. I joined a group of what I can only loosely describe at the time as musicians....the band sucked, frankly. And it sucked for years afterward as a musical organization...playing third grade music, badly and out of tune. We had conductors who didn't seem to really care to improve the group musically, treating the whole thing like a social organization. Because I was uncomfortable being around gay people, I would arrive at rehearsal just before it started, and RUN out the door as soon as it ended. I didn't stick around because I felt like I was intruding on a close-knit group. People who were in it in 1983 through probably 1990 wouldn't even remember me. I was like a ghost or a fly on the wall, and honestly felt like I never belonged. Gradually, I came out of my shell....but I didn't mean to go on about me.
So musically, the group stank and I was playing at such a high level that I was musically almost totally bored. And I was completely embarrassed to be heard so I never even thought about inviting anyone to a concert. I got no musical satisfaction out of playing stuff way below me....so after several years I decided to switch to an instrument that would at least challenge me a little. Gradually the level of the band both organizationally and musically crept up somewhat, once Glenn Cadoret became president. that was probably in the early 1990s. We had a series of good presidents, then good boards, and a few conductors that started to challenge us a little bit. We had no audience and a tiny band, but at least we produced some reasonable semblance to music. I was still pretty embarrassed by the group, and switched again at some point to French Horn....essentially just offering to play my instruments based on what the band was short on.
In 1998, we got a new Artistic Director....Scott Barker.
Right from the start could tell this guy was different in several ways from anyone else ever in that position. He saw possibilities that no one ever seemed to see before. He saw that although small, we had a core of good musicians. He saw that we were not stretching ourselves musically. He saw that we had no steady audience, and that our concerts were sort of like attending a wake. Go sit in a pew and don't interact and come out depressed. Honestly, there was absolutely no connection between the band and it's audience. We didnt' speak, didn't DO anything with the songs, didn't attempt to educate, or anything similar. We simply played like we did every week in rehearsal, only it happened to be in front of a disinterested, slightly embarrassed audience.
At times I thought Scott was crazy for trying some of the things he tried over the years, but I was wrong virtually every single time. Scott immediately had a profound impact on DCDD, and thankfully for us, he gave us 10 extremely high quality years of his energy and his vision. He connected like no one ever had before him. He dragged the group forward, sometimes kicking an screaming at him, to places none of us even dreamed of when he started.
I had honestly given up on ever getting much musical satisfaction out of DCDD. It had finally become a social group for me once I relaxed, one that happened to get together and throw instruments up in front of their faces for a couple of hours a week. I was still not asking anyone to concerts, was not proud of the group's performances. I guess I got some satisfaction out of my own musical growth as I became a decent trumpet player and French hornist.....and because we had so few others, I got lots and lots of solos and exposed parts. But the group was still rather embarrassing. I remember one year taking a take of our Christmas Concert with me to my parents in Texas. My sister Allyn also had joined a community band recently and brought a tape of her Christmas conert as well. When we played my tape, my sister started to laugh because it was SOOOOO bad. The tuning was just horrid.
I fully credit Scott Barker for completely changing DCDD. Sure he didn't do it alone, but he was the reason it happened. DCDD is, right now, not only not embarrassing, but a group that I am extremely proud to be in. Because Scott started to challenge us, and started to make our concerts into shows rather than wakes, starte to educate us and our audiences, started us playing music that truly challenged us, new musicians started to join and the level of quality started to rise. 10 years later, this is a group that can hold it's head high. We've played at the Kennedy Center, taken trips, and played before big audiences, gotten good reviews in the paper, etc. We've developed good relationships with other gay and lesbian groups like the men's chorus, that simply were not possible until we raised our game. We are a group that the gay and lesbian community is now proud of.....truly we used to be an embarrassment.
I have enormous respect for Scott. I'm very sad to see him go and I'm a little bit scared for the group. I want this to keep moving forward, but I know that it could fall apart again and more easily than people realize. I have faith that the organization is now pretty well run, and our new conductor has great possibilities. But we no longer have that linchpin that got us started.
I heard some rumblings that people had problems with Scott. He could be stubborn with his vision. People have their own opinions and people who were not here before truly don't understand what Scott brought to the table.
I didn't always agree with Scott or his vision....but not having my own clearcut vision and not really being much of a doer myself, I never grumbled about or to him (much) and tried to simply go along for the ride. I often got pretty disgusted with people, especially those idiots who thought we'd be better off without Scott. You people simply don't know what it was like before, and you don't realize that all it will take is a bad conductor who rubs people the wrong way and this group will lose all those good musicans quickly.
In any case I just want to say from the bottom of my heart, thank you Scott. I wish the best for you and Dave and Eli. I'll miss you, both as conductor of the group and as a person. I respect you enormously and always will. I said in the program that I truly understood what you brought to DCDD, and I do.
At times I thought Scott was crazy for trying some of the things he tried over the years, but I was wrong virtually every single time. Scott immediately had a profound impact on DCDD, and thankfully for us, he gave us 10 extremely high quality years of his energy and his vision. He connected like no one ever had before him. He dragged the group forward, sometimes kicking an screaming at him, to places none of us even dreamed of when he started.
I had honestly given up on ever getting much musical satisfaction out of DCDD. It had finally become a social group for me once I relaxed, one that happened to get together and throw instruments up in front of their faces for a couple of hours a week. I was still not asking anyone to concerts, was not proud of the group's performances. I guess I got some satisfaction out of my own musical growth as I became a decent trumpet player and French hornist.....and because we had so few others, I got lots and lots of solos and exposed parts. But the group was still rather embarrassing. I remember one year taking a take of our Christmas Concert with me to my parents in Texas. My sister Allyn also had joined a community band recently and brought a tape of her Christmas conert as well. When we played my tape, my sister started to laugh because it was SOOOOO bad. The tuning was just horrid.
I fully credit Scott Barker for completely changing DCDD. Sure he didn't do it alone, but he was the reason it happened. DCDD is, right now, not only not embarrassing, but a group that I am extremely proud to be in. Because Scott started to challenge us, and started to make our concerts into shows rather than wakes, starte to educate us and our audiences, started us playing music that truly challenged us, new musicians started to join and the level of quality started to rise. 10 years later, this is a group that can hold it's head high. We've played at the Kennedy Center, taken trips, and played before big audiences, gotten good reviews in the paper, etc. We've developed good relationships with other gay and lesbian groups like the men's chorus, that simply were not possible until we raised our game. We are a group that the gay and lesbian community is now proud of.....truly we used to be an embarrassment.
I have enormous respect for Scott. I'm very sad to see him go and I'm a little bit scared for the group. I want this to keep moving forward, but I know that it could fall apart again and more easily than people realize. I have faith that the organization is now pretty well run, and our new conductor has great possibilities. But we no longer have that linchpin that got us started.
I heard some rumblings that people had problems with Scott. He could be stubborn with his vision. People have their own opinions and people who were not here before truly don't understand what Scott brought to the table.
I didn't always agree with Scott or his vision....but not having my own clearcut vision and not really being much of a doer myself, I never grumbled about or to him (much) and tried to simply go along for the ride. I often got pretty disgusted with people, especially those idiots who thought we'd be better off without Scott. You people simply don't know what it was like before, and you don't realize that all it will take is a bad conductor who rubs people the wrong way and this group will lose all those good musicans quickly.
In any case I just want to say from the bottom of my heart, thank you Scott. I wish the best for you and Dave and Eli. I'll miss you, both as conductor of the group and as a person. I respect you enormously and always will. I said in the program that I truly understood what you brought to DCDD, and I do.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
